A tricky question if there ever was one because it's not just a trivial choice of a toy for your child, but carries a much deeper meaning: personal, family and social.
A doll for Daphnée and a truck for Simon?
Hello! I am a mother of two boys aged 6 and 2 and a half, and my youngest asked Santa Claus for a doll. I feel a little uncomfortable with this choice. Is this normal? Should I be concerned that my little boy is interested in dolls when his brother has never played with these kinds of toys? On the one hand, I would like to give him this toy he seems to want so much, but on the other hand, I don't want him to make fun of him…
The theory: what the specialists say
In fact, the whole question of the choice of so-called stereotyped games and toys stems from the development of the child's sexual identity. From when he begins to perceive himself as belonging to one sex rather than another. However, it is only around the age of two that the child begins to differentiate girls from boys. Before this age, for him, a child is simply a child. On the other hand, in terms of his own identity, although he is not aware of being more of a boythan a girl, certain behaviors seem well defined from a very young age and sometimes catch us off guard.
Thus, I offer you concrete examples that will make you make an unequivocal observation: we do not have control over everything as parents!
Thomas surprised us at a family meal last year. While we didn't feel like we had instilled stereotypical behavior in our children, my partner and I saw our little guy, barely 8 months old, having fun sliding his spoon in a va- back and forth while making an obvious whirr with his mouth. And today, at 20 months, he likes "everything that rolls" as much as his first experience in the high chair suggested!
As for our “princess”, she entered this role with both feet together a few months ago, around 3 and a half years old, with a mother who is anything but the “skirt type” and high heels. She loves makeup, twirling dresses and long beaded necklaces, just like most of her little pals from daycare. When I asked her about her perception of toys, here is what she told us: dolls, Barbies, Dora and all the princess stuff are games for girls while trucks, tools and games of "Spiderman are boys' toys. Blocks, books, the kitchenette, the cash register, music, movies, drawing and puzzles are fun for boys and girls alike, she says. "Is ita boy can play with a doll? " " But no! she replies with an exasperated air… I reminded her how much her brother was interested in her dolls. "It's not the same, he's a little boy, not a big one! »
And yet, through my years of working with children, I have seen boys like dolls and girls like construction toys, often! I remember a little Olivier who loved to dress up in hats, shoes and scarves, Kassandra who had fun with the little trains and who tussled with the boys in her group, Félix who had a blast in the bac to Barbie. And I have also seen many parents uncomfortable with these preferences. Fear of judgment, of the gaze of others, fear that our child will be ridiculed. But is this fear still totally justified?
Practice: solutions adapted to your needs
What we need to realize is that the social roles of adults have also changed: dads become more involved very early in the lives of their babies, moms drive cars, sometimes even repair when they do not make a profession of it. And because children learn by watching the “big ones”, it is normal for boys, just like girls, to be as interested in dolls as in cars.
Indeed, between the ages of two and six, the child constructs his sexual identity by imitating his parent of the same sex, or by differentiating himself from the one who is of the opposite sex. It is therefore part of its development to be interested ingames that replicate what adults do. And it's up to us as parents to provide them with a wide range of play types that they can enjoy.
I still find it tricky to address this issue as a speaker. Because it's not just a trivial choice of a toy for your child, but carries a much deeper meaning: personal, family and social values. Values that are different from one family to another, from one culture to another, from one generation to another. We can, as a parent, choose to educate our children in the same way, regardless of whether they are girls or boys. We can buy our son the doll so much desired and find it completely natural, there will always be someone to question our choices. Because, although mentalities have evolved considerably over the past decades, certain expectations regarding the behaviors, personalities and tastes of our boys and girls seem to persist despite the passage of time.
And in this sense, I can very well understand the parent who tells me that he is uncomfortable going to choose for his boy a doll all dressed in pink from the large displays definitely designed to attract little girls. So, we must also respect each other in its values and its limits. There are more and more dolls that are dressed in more "neutral" colors and that will allow your little guy to have fun with this toy without being ridiculed by his friends, your neighbors or your family.expanded.
The important thing is that we first be able to feel good about our child's choice, without feeling the need to justify ourselves. It's a nice challenge for some of us who have been brought up in very traditional values, isn't it? And if we achieve this openness as a parent, and as a society itself, our child will also have no doubt that this is the best Christmas present he could dream of!
Resources: references, books, sites or self-help groups
Can't or don't want to invest in multiple toys without knowing your child's real interests? Nothing more normal! Borrow toys from a local toy or library, watch him play with friends, ask about his interests at daycare. I was pleasantly surprised last year to learn that my daughter loves to play hockey with the boys in her group even though she is not particularly good at sports. It gave us an interesting and above all different game to offer him!
