Not always easy to make your partner understand your mom reality? Why not write him a letter? Here is a model to inspire you!
It often happens that mothers tell me that my texts put words on what they are going through and that they read them to their spouse so that he can understand how they feel! It made me want to offer you this text in the form of a letter to inspire you to write your own message to the man who shares your life!
It goes without saying that some comments do not correspond to your reality, so modify this text to make it as authentic as possible.
My love, I am writing this letter to you because I wanted to share with you how it is for me to be a mom and how I am adapting to it. The arrival of our baby is a great happiness for me, I live wonderful moments with him and I love him deeply. What troubles me is that sometimes I find it difficult to be a mother. Just writing it hurts me! I realize that I had a lot of expectations and I believed that the presence of our baby would only bring happiness! I didn't think it would be so demanding on a daily basis. I thought I would instinctively know how to takecare of our baby, but the truth is that this is not always the case. When he cries and I can't calm him down, I feel so helpless and sometimes even incompetent. I'm ashamed to tell you, but I sometimes lack patience, I would like him to sleep and give me a little respite. Me who was convinced that I would always be patient, smiling and happy to take care of him! It's true that I tend to be demanding of myself, but I really want to be a good mom! I want to give him the best and not make any mistakes that could harm his development. As you can see, I don't always consider myself up to it and that's why I need to hear you tell me that I'm a good mom!
After a day with baby where I ran out of time even to take my shower, it is true that I am impatiently awaiting your return from work and that sometimes I jostle you as soon as you arrive. It is that you are the only person with whom I feel that the responsibility is shared equally on our shoulders and that gives me great relief! I understand that you would like to have time for yourself after your day at work and know that it is the same for me. Our days are demanding for both of us so we have the same need at the same time and our child needs one of his parents. I wish we could find an agreement, a way of doing things that would suit each of us. What do you think?
I want us to team up respecting the strengths, thetalents and limitations of each. Our roles are different and I want to give you space so you can be a present dad. It's true that in certain situations I tend to advise you and intervene, but it's not because I don't trust you. I'm doing this because I want everything to be okay, but I'm going to try hard to walk away and let you create your relationship with baby.
Obviously, our life as a couple is quite different from before! I am aware that I am less available for both of us and that our intimate life suffers the consequences. It is important that you understand that it is not because of you and that I still love you so much! There are several factors that influence my sexual desire: fatigue, hormonal changes, my fear of pain and my need to find myself. I have the feeling that there is always someone close to me and that my body does not belong to me anymore or very little… I am very much in the "give" mode and therefore, the time I have to myself, I tend to want to use it to recharge my batteries.
I'm afraid that my refusal to your invitations to make love will hurt you. At the same time, it's so important that I feel that you want me despite my transformed body. Yes, I'm afraid you don't find me more beautiful with my soft stomach and my stretch marks. Anyway, I don't think I'm as beautiful as before, that's why I have difficulty accepting and believing your compliments… but I hope you continueto worry.
Maybe reading this letter you feel helpless and wonder how you could support me… Well, just listening to me or reading me already does me a lot of good. I also appreciate your involvement in household chores. For me, the fact that you sweep or do the dishes is like a demonstration of your love for me and it makes me feel important. And when you take care of baby so I can take care of myself, it's priceless. Thank you!
I love you
Note
Many realities are not addressed in this text. I encourage you to write in your letter what concerns you, whether it is related to a difficult childbirth, a difficulty in the level of attachment, the fear of being in depression, etc. You could add a paragraph where you tell him what you appreciate about him as a dad. Recognition is always fun.
Revealing yourself, making yourself vulnerable takes courage, but allows you to create real relationships and get what you need! Happy writing!
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