Just because you end up with a baby in your arms doesn't mean you know everything a mother should know and do! How about some time?
Several years ago when I was starting my teaching internship, my internship supervisor said this: give yourself five years to define yourself as a teacher. By then, you will know your strengths, your limits and you will have a better knowledge of yourself! What a nice parallel to make with the process of becoming a mother!
Being in front of a class or ending up with our baby in our arms doesn't mean we're in control. And then if it takes so many years to know yourself as a teacher, isn't it logical to consider that becoming a mother can take so many?
The transition
The arrival of a child is undoubtedly one of the most important transitions in our lives! This marks the end of a situation to which we were accustomed and the happiness felt does not change the fact that we have to adapt to a new reality. Because all the important changes in our lives, even the desired ones, have the potential to create an upheaval in our lives! Fortunately, they also representincredible growth opportunities! Obviously, the transition from woman to mother is not experienced with the same intensity for each woman, but for the majority of us it generates:
- Questions
- Anxiety about the unknown and changes
- Intense and varied emotions
- Fear of losing self-definition
It is therefore normal to wonder who we are and to have the feeling of having lost our bearings. Remember that this is a transition and therefore temporary. For some mothers, the mourning of their life as a childless woman will be more difficult and will take them longer.
Maturity
Being a mom requires maturity, a sense of responsibility and a certain capacity for self-sacrifice. The sacrifices we have to make and the changes imposed by this new reality may cause us to find that we are not as mature, responsible and altruistic as we thought. We must therefore give ourselves the time to acquire this maturity, the love we have for our child will allow us to develop these faculties and to be a responsible parent!
Fostering adaptation
Welcome to emotionsIt is desirable to take the time to feel and to express what we feel frankly and without shame. Expressing how we feel will speed up the process of acceptance.
Avoid judging our wayto beHow easy it is to judge ourselves and tell ourselves that we should simply be happy and fulfilled by motherhood like the other mothers around us! But it is precisely in these moments that we would benefit from being understanding towards ourselves.
Trust yourself in our ability to get through this timeWe can cope with change by tapping into our skills and qualities. Remember that asking for support is a demonstration of our commitment to our well-being and that of our child!
Hearing the meaning of this transitionWhat do I have to learn from this situation is a question that will open us up to a better understanding of what we live! Motherhood is a learning experience.
Avoid the question "Why me?" »Why me? This is a question that can haunt the mother who is going through a difficult situation related to childbirth, breastfeeding or the he alth of her baby! This question is devastating since it is impossible to find a satisfactory answer to it and it creates a lot of inner suffering. No answer or justification will bring the much desired comfort since she feels penalized or treated unfairly! It is difficult to recognize that justice is not determined by who you are and that being a good person is not enough to get what you want. Recognize that difficult experiences are the basis ofour journey will allow us to more easily accept our reality.
Mission accomplished
We know we've adjusted to our new life when:
- We feel more joy than fear about these changes.
- We discovered new resources inside and outside of ourselves.
- We are more accepting of the gap between the mother we thought we were and the one we are becoming.
It goes without saying that being a mom is a series of transitions that will contribute to our personal journey and allow us to know each other better over time. The autonomy of our child, his puberty, his adolescence and his adult life will be important transitions for us, as for him. We will therefore be able to accompany it thanks to the maturity that we have been able to develop one day at a time…
Attend the event “To be a successful parent day and night! » An afternoon-conference on children's sleep by Brigitte Langevin and on the life of a couple that I will present. Visit www.etremaman.ca for more information.
