The gap between expectations and reality is often very large. It is therefore essential to be honest with ourselves and to recognize that we are experiencing certain disappointments or disillusions.
When we become a mother many aspects of our life are temporarily or permanently transformed. These changes are not always easy to accept, especially if they involve certain challenges. This can be all the more difficult because very few mothers dare to talk about it. It is therefore easy to compare us and believe that we are the only ones having certain difficulties.
The Comparison
Comparison is a real poison for the woman who has become a mother. You may believe that the other is in control of her role as a mother and that she does not seem to have any difficulty, but what is it really? All mothers face challenges and each faces them in her own way according to her personality, her past, her resources and the conditions of her current life. From this point of view, it becomes useless to compare oneself since each maternity experience is unique! By accepting that you can live your experience differently from your friend or your sister-in-law, you will be able to trust yourself andstop comparing yourself.
Changes
One thing is certain: you have to adapt to many changes on a personal, emotional, relational and sexual level! Your well-being depends on the attention you give to each of these factors. It is wrong to believe that they are independent of each other. When one aspect of your life is neglected, it affects your entire life. Take the following example, if you neglect your personal well-being you will be less satisfied in your interpersonal relationships since you cannot give what you do not have!
Challenges
So here is a list of challenges that we can face as a mother. As you can see, there are many! As you read these categories of factors, identify those that represent your reality and that of your partner. Ask yourself how you can deal with it? Recognize yourself for the actions already taken! The goal is to take stock of your current situation and perhaps you will become aware of a situation that affects you.
Personal and emotional factors
Motherhood is an emotional experience. It is a more or less intense journey. We cannot predict how we will experience this new role. So we find ourselves learning and discovering ourselves as mothers. Isolation is harmful and it is precisely when we do not want to talk to anyone that it is important to do so.do!
- Being a mother has awakened past emotional wounds in you;
- Grieving for breastfeeding is hard to do;
- Daily and task management is a challenge;
- You're running out of time for yourself;
- Guilt is everywhere;
- You feel a sense of failure regarding your childbirth;
- The responsibility of being a mother weighs heavily;
- You have resentment or anger towards your partner;
- The feeling of incompetence as a mother arises;
- You are experiencing postpartum depression.
Relationship Factors
For the majority of couples, the arrival of a child requires adjustments since the dynamic is no longer the same! For some couples, however, the arrival of a child has the effect of an earthquake and it weakens. Frank and authentic communication remains the basic tool, but when conflicts persist, it is advisable to ask for help.
- Your spouse is not involved with your child;
- Conflicts persist over your child's education;
- The division of tasks is not equal and this is a source of conflict;
- You feel neglected by your partner;
- Your relationship with your mother is conflicted;
- You have little support from those around you;
- Your partner is jealous of your baby's time.
Factorsphysiological and sexual
It is important to recognize that sexuality or rather the quality of it depends on several factors. Sexuality for new parents is an experience where everyone's differences and needs are present. It is a moment of reconciliation between the past and the present. Sexuality represents the need to understand oneself, to support oneself in the face of many changes. It contributes to a rapprochement and a better understanding of the other. Meaningless sexuality no longer has a place in this dynamic of the couple becoming parents. On the contrary, meaning comes into its own in these gestures that express love and recognition of the presence of the other.
- Hormonal changes influence your mood;
- You experience pain during intimate relationships;
- You dread physical pain during sex;
- Your breasts have a nurturing and therefore more erotic role;
- You frequently refuse your partner's advances;
- Your partner feels rejected and frustrated;
- The balance between wife and mother is difficult to achieve;
- You are concerned about your body image and you find it difficult to let go completely;
- Your level of sexual desire is down;
- Your partner hasn't wanted you since the baby was born;
- The birth has troubled your partner.
So, no matter how difficult you are,remember that what creates emotions is the meaning you give them. Pay attention to your interpretations and judgments. Be honest and dare to talk about it. And a small dose of self-compassion will always help!
