The man of my life or the father of my children?

2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-25 11:16

How do women view their lover? Is he the man of their life or the father of their future toddlers? Does the first criterion encompass the second? For all women, definitely not.

I want a whole man

When you look at the chosen one of your heart, you see… the man who fulfills you, the man who seduced you, the man he has become, the man he is, the man who shares your secrets, the man who is a wonderful dad, the man who supports you, the man you can count on, the one who will not let you down, the one you have chosen to live in everyday life, the man with whom you make plans for the future, the man with whom you reminisce about fond memories, the man… of your whole life?

Hard to divide our man into parts. We love it not in general, but in full, should we say! Do we love a man differently when he is the one who experienced paternity by our side, while we also became a mother? Most likely. But love does not fit into such a strict definition. A woman can also fall madly in love with a dad…whose children will never call her mom. Or of a man who is not the father of hisoffspring.

On the hunt for the man… perfect

In our romantic teenage daydreams, we imagine our future lover for whole nights. Many qualities are attributed to him: gentle, handsome, charming, attentive, a bit poetic, a bit sporty, a tough man with a tender heart, passionate, ambitious, etc. The list is long. Then, lovers and flirts parade under our balcony. We do not really know where and when, but our research is being refined. The older we get, the more we know each other, the more we know what we want.

If the desire to start a family – either quickly or in 15 years – grows in us, a new variable enters our search. The heart of the man in our life will have to pour out before a tiny chubby baby. Above all, our great lover will not have to run away from our 18-month-old cousin with a very dirty bib who is running around chirping. Better still, he will have to crouch down and invent a fabulous world for him. If for us, we dream of travels and exciting careers, we are looking for a guy who will not be unhappy to live with our frenetic pace.

I want it, he doesn't want it, we want it– The transformation of a guy…

“When I met my boyfriend, I was only 17 and he was 21 (almost 22), yet it was clear to me in my head and in my heart, I wanted 4 children. It was clear that the man of my life had to be the father of my children, for me one did not go without the other.

Unfortunately, the man in my life didn't want children. But life decided otherwise. A first pregnancy was announced when I was only 19 years old. It was a terrible shock for my boyfriend, a hard blow for the couple as well. But, with this first experience of fatherhood, my man got used to the idea of having children. Even that the tests for a second one quickly began. Unfortunately, fate wanted our second little wonder to arrive only four and a half years after the first. Afterwards, it was very clear between him and me that the family was over. But even before he went to have a vasectomy, a little baby wove itself in the pit of my stomach. A hard shock for him to swallow, even that my couple was badly shaken. Two months after the news, I had a miscarriage.

The vasectomy appointment was coming soon. My spouse talked about it constantly, but fear prevented him from going. But he didn't want any more children. However, a year later, I was pregnant again. Our third daughter was born nine months later. The shock was much less than the previous pregnancy, even this time he seemed rather amazed by this pregnancy.

Even if my boyfriend didn't want a child at first, always during all my pregnancies, I found with him the support I needed. He never let me down, he was always there for me. I even believe that, for him, seeing his children born was one of the most precious moments of his life.

When I think about it, I tell myself that if lifehadn't given us any nice surprises, the man in my life would never have known fatherhood, yet he's a great dad and a great spouse. I absolutely do not regret that life gave him a bit of a lesson, I know that in our old age he will remember that he did not want children in the first place. He couldn't live without our daughters. »

Isabelle, mother of Frédéryke, Maygane and Élysabeth

When you look at your "lover", who do you see? The man of your life or the father of your children?

“I have always loved children, and I have always wanted a large family. When I met my boyfriend, it quickly came to the subject to be sure that we were compatible. After only five months of dating, I had a + on my pregnancy test. Baby-surprise was received very favorably after reflection. Maybe one day he will no longer be the man of my life (well, who can predict the future?), but he will always be the father of my children on the other hand. »

Marie, forum of Motherforlife.com

“My spouse, more than 8 years ago, was a simple flirtation, a purely physical attraction. I still didn't dare to imagine that he would be the father of my children. Then time passed and the passion, which always grew, left a special place to this man, who became the man of my life. He is wonderful. I love him dearly and I respect him. He has his flaws that sometimes make me angry, but his qualities always come back in force to counter his imperfections. Then one day we havedecided to start a family. We were ready for this and we knew that giving birth would be a wonderful gift for our couple, among other things. Our couple solidified further with the birth of our daughter. Then two years later, to the day, I'm pregnant again. He is my lover, my friend, the man of my life and a wonderful father for my daughter; he is all that. I couldn't have found better. »

Melanie, Momforlife.com forum

“My husband is first and foremost the man of my life. It was love at first sight and even before officially dating, we were talking about babies. We subconsciously had to know if the other wanted children before starting the relationship. But we both believe that we have to be in love for our family to be too. We will do everything to stay in love until the end of our days. We wanted to show that we were ready to spend the rest of our lives together by getting married last summer when I was 5 months pregnant. It was important for us to be a united couple before having children. Now that Victor has arrived, we are parents, he is the father of my son, but above all he is the man of my life, and that is what makes him the best dad in the world! »

Victor's Mom, forum of Mamanpourlavie.com

“My husband is definitely the man of my life. He's the most caring boyfriend ever, he helps me all the time with our chip, he takes care of me and his daughter, he's really great. I knew hewould make an exemplary father (he wanted children long before me), he always had the trick with children. I regret nothing of the 9 years we spent together and I sincerely wish that it lasts all our lives. When you have babies with someone, I think you have to be sure that he is the man of your life and that he will always be there to support you. Your couple must be solid, it's essential. For my part, I had no doubts when I decided to have a child with him. He is an extraordinary man! »

Mels, Motherforlife.com forum

“He was a teenage love affair that took a very serious turn over the years…. he became the man of my life, a little more day by day…. and here he is made my husband, to finally be the nicest dad for our daughter and for our children to come…. He is and will always be the father of Laury with whom I share a life full of love! »

Laury's mom, forum of Mamanpourlavie.com

You are not born a father, you become one

Not all men necessarily discovered their paternal fiber in their early twenties. Like women in fact! Some need to flourish in other spheres of their lives before plunging into the family adventure. Like women in fact! Basically, it is not looking for the perfect man in his absolute, but rather the one who corresponds to us. The one who most resembles us and who shares our vision of life. Because on the gentlemen's side, they are also looking for a fulfilling companionable to fully be the woman of their life… with or without children!

If the maternal instinct does not exist, neither does the paternal instinct. But paternal involvement, yes! Being a father is not a secondary role filled with precepts of severe education or locked in an image of supreme authority. Dad no longer evolves in the shadow of moms. A dad has a vital role in the development and growth of children. It is no longer a secondary role. The women having resumed their professional life even after having children, they thus left the place and the chance for their spouse to become fully involved in the lives of the infants. The two poles of the couple, the basis of the future family, must agree and share the same vision of family life. The fathers are more involved, there is no longer any doubt. And we can only rejoice.