Thinking about adoption and not sure where to start? This long journey is often filled with questions, fears and worries. Here are some tips for you.
There are several reasons why couples turn to the great adventure of adoption. Whatever your reasons, it is important to inform yourself adequately, to weigh the pros and cons and to make sure that you have considered all the eventualities before making this big decision which will bring its share of changes and joys, but also disappointments.
You need to think about it
Deciding to adopt a child should never be a last resort. We must see this experience in a positive light and be at peace with this reality since our perceptions often influence the way we will react to the obstacles that will eventually follow. We must therefore see adoption as an informed choice resulting from a thorough process and not as a solution of despair in the face of infertility.
One of the most important questions to ask yourself as clearly and seriously as possible when considering adoption is whether you think you are capable of loving this child as if yougave birth to him. You have to be honest with yourself and really think about the impact of its arrival among you since there is no question of returning it as you would for a gift that you don't like in the end.
The bond of attachment
According to Diane Quevillon, a psychologist specializing in adoption, it is normal for parents to question their ability to take care of a child who had a difficult start in life and who will now have to adapt to his new life. They themselves will have to adapt to this child and measure their ability to move from the image of the "dreamed child" to the reality of the adopted child.
Parents too can have difficult attachment stories in their past that will also make it harder for them to adjust when they welcome this new person into their lives. It is important to recognize that this is part of the adaptation process and to not hesitate to consult for advice and in-depth help.
Expectations and disappointments
The child who will be yours at the end of the adoption process will have his own personality and, in the case of older children, an already heavy emotional baggage that will require a lot of understanding and empathy on your part, and naturally, an intense love. It may be difficult to completely understand his reality as an abandoned child, perhaps even neglected, but by taking all the necessary measures to help him on his way, it is entirely possible to develop anice relationship between you.
Madame Quevillon explains that "Parents must take into account the child's past and remember that the most crucial moments of his life were spent in potentially difficult conditions that could influence his relationship with others and with himself. They must therefore promote the adaptation of this child by reassuring him and teaching him to regain confidence in himself and to trust those around him. »
The family unit
Like a birth that would enlarge your family, you must prepare the siblings for the arrival of a new member who, by upsetting the family routine, will perhaps create great insecurity in your current children. “Will mom still love me this much? Will dad prefer the new little brother? »
You will have to reassure them and remind them that even if this little brother or sister will need a lot of support to find their place in your family, it will not change the love you have for them. To facilitate this adaptation, it is suggested to include the children in the reception preparations, while encouraging discussion about how they feel.
Diane Quevillon reminds parents of the importance of children understanding that adoption is an adult project that can be shared by a child who is eager to meet their new brother or sister, but remains a desire parents to expand the family.
Reactions from those around you
You will also need to assess your ability to cope with the comments of your loved ones and the sometimes surprising judgments of those around you. It is human nature to question the unknown, but it can be very unpleasant to have to defend your choices. You will therefore need to develop a shell and remember that this decision is yours and only concerns you and your family.
Madame Quevillon also advises you to invite your family to join you during information meetings organized by adoption agencies or to consult the services of adoption associations so that they can understand a little more about your steps and what you are going through.
Your decision is made and you want to start the adoption process? Here are some articles to help you navigate through it and choose the option that's right for you!
- The ABCs of Adoption in Quebec
- Adoption: choosing an agency
- Myths and facts of international adoption
If you are still undecided and would like to see for yourself the reality of adoptive parents, we advise you to read the articles by Chantal Massicotte who recounts with great generosity the story of the adoption of his daughter Marie-Félix.
The process is often long and arduous and very insecure for future parents and we encourage you to ask for help and surround yourself adequately in order to be able to receive thesupport you will need.