Adoption: beyond the dream, the reality

2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-07 15:39

Carefree as we were, I must admit that we embarked on this great adventure without being really informed on the subject.

I always knew, since my childhood, that one day I would go there, far from home, to look for them both. By wanting to change the course of their destiny, I forever changed mine, then that of their father and their younger brother. The mere thought that there are unhappy children in this world makes me shudder with terror and anguish. Ah! If only I could take them all and show them the way to carelessness and laughter. If only I could guarantee them a future. Alas…

In all confidence, let me tell you that adopting a child was for me the best experience of my life. After giving birth to a child, after going through pregnancy, childbirth, and all the stages of life as new parents, my husband and I put our adoption plan into action with our young son who was only four years old at the time.

Carefree as we were, I must admit that we embarked on this great adventure without being really informed on the subject. Bah! We were deeply convinced that the love we had to give to this childwould be more than enough to overcome all the obstacles that could stand against us.

Looking back, I realize today, through all this research and past experiences, how negligent and naive we have been… Yes, love can do great things, but it is utopian to think that it will be enough to overcome all difficulties.

It is therefore with my experience as a natural mother and an adoptive mother that I propose to shed some light on the subject…

It is essential, in my opinion, to realize the major difference that exists between a natural child and an adopted child.

A natural child comes into our lives, without a past, without a deficiency, without a cut, without a tear…An adopted child has been unconditionally abandoned. He will always have in him this deficiency and this immense hole which will sometimes be very difficult to fill.

It must be understood that international adoption is a solution of last resort for the interests of the child. And, let's face it, it would be better if all the children in the world could grow up and live in their country of origin.

International adoption has very serious consequences, both for you and for the child. By adopting a child, be aware that you will forever change the course of his life. So be sure of your decision.

Several reasons can encourage new parents to resort to adoption

Because you have to face the harsh reality ofinfertility
Because a late pregnancy brings too high risks
Because just like me, you have in you this undeniable desire to contribute to the evolution of society by changing the life of a child
Because you are in a same-sex relationship that in no way interferes with your desire to become parents

No matter the reasons, adoption is a project that must be analyzed from top to bottom. All items need to be checked and rechecked again. The reflection period is the cornerstone of the project. Be very honest in your approach: remember that this is a child's future. There should be no doubt in your mind that the primary objective is the welfare of the child.

Adoption should never, ever be seen as a last resort. It is a deep commitment for life. As an adoptive parent, you are responsible for your child in the same way as a biological child, and this, at the very moment when you begin the adoption process. You must therefore, before starting any concrete steps, be sure of your decision. A child is not an object that we buy with the possibility of returning it if it does not meet all our expectations.

By adopting, we become parents. We must therefore agree to share everything we have with someone else. The "I", the "me" and the "me" must be relegated to second place, because the child who arrivesin our life becomes, in all respects, your priority since he will be very demanding due to his addiction.

It is utopian to believe that love can fix everything. Adoptive parents must show a lot of patience and determination. Rebuilding self-esteem, rebuilding confidence, and erasing fear and fear of abandonment can take years. It is useless to want to make up for lost time, it is rather necessary to emphasize the present and future needs of the child. We can't do anything against the past, only the present and the future can be controlled.

Adopting a child can be very demanding, as your efforts will feel very useless at times.

We must accept the child as he is, and above all not try to make him the one we had dreamed of so much.

As soon as the child arrives, the parents will be upset. They will then ask themselves the following questions:

Why doesn't my child love me unconditionally right now?
Why doesn't he understand that my greatest desire is his well-being?
Why doesn't he trust me?
What am I doing wrong?
Am I going to be a bad parent?
Why would I believe that I don't love him as deeply as a biological child?
I've waited so long for this moment, I have this deep desire to change his life so much at heart, I want him to be happy!

Loveunconditional and mutual between a child and his parent is a myth, whether he is born or adopted… Patience, determination, courage and love must be an integral part of your project…

And the reality of society's perception of adoption, have you thought about it?

Yes, even in 2005, discrimination and racism still exist…Let me tell you some of my personal experience:

Three months after learning that my five-year-old natural son had cancer, I was talking at work with one of my suppliers about the impact the disease could have on my child. After listening to me, here is what he said to me: “How unfortunate that the cancer did not attack one of your two little blacks, it would have been much less bad. Incredible but true! I was flabbergasted. Speechless…What do you say to such narrow-minded people?

And don't forget all those questions that you will surely be asked…

How much did it cost you?
Are you sure he doesn't have AIDS?
Where are his parents?
Why did his parents abandon him?
Which adoptive parent could not have a child?
Now that you've adopted a child, I bet you're going to have your own child?
Does he have real siblings?
How can a black kid call you mom? Will you tell him the truth?

And those great thoughts…

Yousaved his life… I hope he will be grateful to you!
You will go directly to Heaven for the gesture you made!
I never would have guessed you weren't his parents, you treat him like he's yours!
Did you realize what you got yourself into?

While all of these common questions will no doubt be asked, you will also hear a variety of nonsense.

But you will also experience intense moments of love…

It's Saturday, January 31, 2004 and the evening has been well and truly underway for some time now. Attending one of the hockey tournament games, category atom "A", I see my son Louis-Thomas rushing on the ice to throw and score two goals! It's jubilation! He allowed his whole team to reach the final: my mother's heart beats with pride and joy in front of my boy's achievement. You may not know it, but my son is black, and I would even tell you that he is very black. As for me, I am white…

When I clapped my champion out loud, I never wondered if people doubted that I was his real mother… I felt incredible pride, at the end of the game, when I was congratulated for the exceptional performances of my child… "Yes, Sir, he is my son and I am very proud of him…" Of this overflow of love that overflows from our hearts, from these successes and that happiness that I see in his eyes when he scores a goal andlook around the bleachers, there is this certainty that nothing in this world can match that… And you, are you ready to live this wonderful adventure?

If your answer is yes, well follow us, we will try to guide you towards the culmination of one of the biggest and most beautiful projects of your life…