The Broken Dream

2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 18:44

An adoption project is full of ups and downs. To the very long delays and the patience necessary to make it complete, we must add the possible disappointments along the way.

Turn to adoption is, for many couples, the culmination of a long reflection and a series of failures in the conception of a biological child. Needless to say, at this stage, the adoption project sometimes becomes the ultimate possibility of finally knowing the joy of being a parent. All hopes are based on it, the remaining energy and finances are invested in it. We launch ourselves, body and soul, numbed by the intoxication of this dream which, we can only hope, will come true after a long process of evaluation and above all waiting.

Horror Stories

We expect some risks, we read sad and even horror stories on some forums. We heard about the friend of a friend's cousin who lost her wings there in a story more nightmarish than the last Stephen King. A child taken back by his biological parents at the last minute when our suitcases are ready or even worse when we have already arrived in the country of the child, the country from which we expect a proposal that closes atadoption with Canada because of government “squabbles”, child trafficking over which we have very little power and must trust the people who will analyze the situation before submitting a proposal. It's rare, but it's already been seen. Often, however, with relatives residing in the United States.

Hope against dark thoughts

Throughout the entire adoption process, including an immense waiting time, we are fueled by this hope, but, despite ourselves, we also consult all the news on the internet, good and bad. We calculate, we count, we compare, we see political tensions being created, we hear rumors and we cling to all that until we can no longer. There comes a time when it is a question of mental balance, many parents awaiting adoption end up dropping out of this media flood. The choice is then often made to wait for the call and try to live as normally as possible until then.

We want to hear, but we don't always want to listen and especially to imagine that a horror story could color our own existence. And there are the blows that we don't always see coming, the blows that we couldn't imagine, the kind of blow that unhooks our jaws and crumbles our whole insides…a bit like the way the hundreds of couples having signed a contract with the Ontario agency Imagine Adoption which has…. goes bankrupt!

In total nothingness for several days, all these couples sawsmoke their hopes, their dream, their money, their confidence and this heartbreaking idea that somewhere in the world, a child is waiting for them in vain. We cannot imagine that such a story could happen to us. That an agency would claim tens of thousands of dollars from us a few days before declaring bankruptcy. It happened to one of my close friends, concerning this same agency. We don't know what to say at this time. It also happened to a couple of friends who went through something similar, just as heartbreaking, a few months ago. These days, in the media, we are informed that the bankruptcy trustee has decided to try to restructure the Imagine Adoption agency. Hope. I wish it to all these families who must be torn apart at the moment and who cling to all this administrative goodwill.

Prepare for all eventualities

Dreams that come true, dreams that shatter, it's also part of the world of adoption. Far be it from me to want to scare people who would like to turn to adoption to become parents. Adoption is something fantastic to experience, a unique experience, imbued with feelings that you cannot experience otherwise. However, it is important to remember that it can also go wrong. Something that has often allowed me to hold on to my hopes, to my dream, has been support groups and adoption forums on the internet. Most agencies have their discussion forum, but there are also some that don't.belong to any particular agency. Information, more diversified and also more neutral, can meet many needs. But first and foremost, the support and human warmth found on these forums can be lifesaving in times of despair. The Quebec-Asia Family Association as well as Québec Adoption, among others, allow Quebec adoptive parents, no matter where they are in the adoption process, to exchange with other parents who have seen, heard and lived. In my adoption process, this long wait before holding Marie-Félix in my arms, I was often supported and reassured by other parents who understood what I was going through.

To all those people who are waiting and hoping for the coveted phone call, I'll tell you something that I kept repeating to myself during the 21 months that I waited for my little "love pitoune": from the moment a decision is made, a contract is signed, fate takes control of the situation. Trust him. If the child destined for you lives in another country, you will invariably be taken to him, no matter what.