There are sleep training methods, such as the Ferber Method, which involve letting a baby cry until he is asleep. According to many specialists, these methods should be abandoned.
Let's first put this hot topic in context by reminding you that many parents are sleep deprived. We can laugh about it or cry about it, but the fact remains that these exasperated parents are looking for solutions to get a full night's sleep. Among these solutions are sleep learning methods such as the Ferber method, also called the 5-10-15 method. While this method is considered effective by some sleep specialists, it is considered harmful by many other early childhood specialists, including those who participated in the writing of the brochure en titled At night too, children need us - Why "sleep training" methods are inadvisable. Here's what they think and why they suggest other solutions.
The goal is not to teach him not to cry anymore, but to communicate differently
Most of the specialists consulted to create this brochure talk about the effectsnegative effects of these techniques on the child's communication skills. For example, Dr. Klaus E. Grossmann, a research scientist in the field of attachment explains that parents who respond to the needs of the child by being receptive to his crying will encourage him to diversify his methods of expression. Faced with the openness of his parents, the baby will learn to make gestures, sounds and facial expressions.
If, on the other hand, parents leave babies crying alone in a dark room, they will be afraid of being abandoned and will not learn to replace crying with a more pleasant method of communication. According to him, they will eventually stop crying with these methods, but it will only be through exhaustion and resignation. He adds: “The challenge of child development is not the extinction of crying, but better communication with our young children, which gradually takes the place of crying. »
California pediatrician William Sears agrees when he says that the only thing parents teach their child with the 5-10-15 method is that their crying has no meaning. communicative value.
In addition, the feeling of security that parents try by all means to convey to their child during the day is contrary to the total absence of security to which they subject them during the night. Because of this dissonance, efforts to reassure him during the day have less impact.
The need for proximity tochildren
So we know that babies need the comfort of their parents day and night, without distinction. This is one of the main reasons why these specialists believe that the Ferber method is harmful. Babies don't get that closeness and protection they need when they're left to cry themselves to sleep.
According to these specialists, it is necessary to provide him with this proximity to promote his attachment and avoid destabilizing him so that he acquires the inner stability that will allow him to manage his adult life.
There is no age to sleep in
According to Berlin doctor Michael Abou-Dakn, “Wishing the child to sleep long and fall asleep easily has become the hot topic of our times. In the past, it was early cleanliness that was required of children. Today, it is the ability to fall asleep and sleep without problems. It is true that in addition to wanting to sleep as soon as possible, parents are regularly asked if their child is finally sleeping.
However, there really isn't a "right age" to sleep for several hours at a time. According to Dr. Jürgen Zulley, "You can't force a baby or toddler to sleep through the night until they're ready for this stage. Sooner or later, every child will sleep through the night, but everyone has their own rhythm. »
What to do then?
According to experts, there is no miracle solution except to show a lot of love and patience, and to providebaby everything he needs. Specifically, Theresia Herbst suggests loving care, gentle talking, physical contact, breastfeeding on demand, shared sleep, and encouraging needs for protection, exploration, and self-reliance. According to her, the resulting attachment will strengthen her confidence, her self-esteem, her ability to interact with others, her ability to discover the world and to approach those around her in all trust.
What if you choose to use it anyway?
Some parents may still choose to use the Ferber method, but will have to arm themselves with hope and patience because this method is not immediately compatible with the nature of their child. He naturally seeks the support of his parents when he is afraid and will have to fight against his instincts to please you if you choose to train him there to sleep better. As pediatrician Carlos Gonzales says, "Children don't have a lot of demands. For things that don't really matter to them, they willingly bend to our moods and do what we expect of them. But if we ask them to sleep alone, we demand something contrary to their most essential instincts, and the struggle is hard. »
