Can you kiss your child on the mouth? It would seem that there is no consensus on this subject, even that it is, for some, a real debate. Kiss reserved for lovers, or simple mark of affection?
While surfing the net, it is impressive to see how this subject can ignite passions. Two clans exist, therefore: those for whom the kiss, whether on the mouth or not, is only a mark of love and affection; and those for whom a kiss on the lips of children is no.
In the clan of no…
On the one hand, it will be said that kissing on the mouth is the best way to pass all kinds of germs and infections. It's true: we have already noted, among other things, that oral herpes often happens in this way. Thus, many specialists are positioned against the kiss on the mouth for a question of hygiene. But that's not all: more and more, we seem to fear that this gesture harms the development of the child. Several psychoanalysts, in particular, warn against this kiss which risks blurring the child's bearings. Why? Because the kiss on the mouth is "the kiss of lovers". Besides, themouth is an erogenous zone – even if the parent who kisses their child on the mouth is of course not doing so to provoke arousal.
And in the yes clan…
That said, many parents kiss their children on the mouth and see no problem there: kissing is, for them, only a token of affection, whether on the mouth or on the cheek. And then, there is all the same a clear difference between the “kiss of lovers” (in duration, intensity, positioning of the body) and this very soft, quick kiss, given to the child. Often, we will say “my mother kissed me herself on the mouth”: it is therefore also a question of education and value. Moreover, it is a cultural story: the kiss does not have the same connotation among all peoples.
So when does this kiss get inappropriate? At what age to stop? Most parents will tell you that this is something that comes naturally. The child is getting older and no longer wants to kiss his parents on the mouth. Forcing him to do so anyway would, of course, cause a real problem.
A matter of education
What if, to avoid confusion, the answer was simply to raise our children well? Some specialists have expressed some questions about the kiss on the mouth, especially because many young children believe that babies are made with kisses… If so, maybe it's just timeto really explain to the child how babies are made.
Also, we fear that this kiss will confuse the children. We explain to them that only grown-ups, among themselves, can make loving gestures, and that these same gestures are unacceptable if they are made towards a child. Therefore, the child may not know the difference between an “acceptable” kiss and a kiss that is not. That said, once again, simply banishing kissing on the mouth at home is not enough and it is important to educate children, in talking to them precisely about different touches, their bodies, and their relationships with adults.
For or against?
Whether you are for or against kissing on the mouth, some rules are irrevocable. We never force a child who does not want to kiss on the mouth. If you have a cold sore, no kiss on the mouth: especially not to a baby! Same thing if you are sick. And we talk to our child about it: it's not enough to forbid something, we must above all explain things to him.
What do you think?
“No, and I don't let others kiss my children on the mouth either, not even very close family. Sorry, but I find that weird… But I respect those who do! »
"I wouldn't want to make this a habit, but I'm not uncomfortable if my 18-month-old gives me a big kiss on the mouth. However, II would find it weird that she does it with other family members (like grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins…), especially when she gets older. »
“I gave kisses on the mouth to my mom and my maternal grandmother until quite late. It still happens, when I'm really happy, and I don't see a problem with it. In my parents' wedding photos, there's a picture of my mom kissing her mom's mouth, and I think it's super cute! »
"I don't see it as a sexual act, but I don't allow it." It is a way of sharing bacteria. »
“It is a cultural question… This question would not arise in Russia, where it is the custom to kiss each other on the mouth! Personally, I have no discomfort giving a little peck on my daughter's mouth. She is very good at differentiating between her parents and the rest of the people, whom she kisses on the cheek, spontaneously. As others have mentioned before, the important thing is to be comfortable with it, for both parent and child. »
“It doesn't bother me, as long as it's between us and not with strangers or distant family members… A kiss of this kind, without being sexual in my eyes, remains an intimate gesture reserved for people we love and with whom we are very close. »
“Here is no. I never kissed my parents on the mouth, let alone myGrand parents. Same thing in my husband's family. For us, it is a sexual act, and it is reserved for lovers. »