Of course, it is not always easy for the first child to learn to share with a smaller one, especially if the latter competes for the favors of the parents.
The first seizures usually occur around the age of 10 months and prove, beyond any doubt, how much children care for their parents! Because the manifestation of jealousy between children of the same family is without a doubt a race against time to find out who will become the favorite of dad or mom. Do not believe that jealousy between children is synonymous with cruelty or selfishness, far from it! By asking children for small services such as feeding baby in his high chair or even getting him his pacifier or diaper, the child contributes more easily to the acceptance of a second little being.
The parent must also know how to distinguish between violence and hatred. Arguing children are not two beings who hate each other. Always taking into account the need for the smallest to always want to equal the largest, we must not forget that the role of parents can contribute greatly to maintaining a relationship of hatred between brothers and sisters, either by commenting on the exploits of oneand by devaluing the other, or by making one of the children seem much more important to one of the parents. Repeating certain gestures or words heard within the family unit can have rather disastrous repercussions for children. Brutality or continual verbal aggressiveness should be avoided quickly if we do not want the children to break up one day and thus cause a bitter parental failure.
In his book published by Fayard, 2002, child psychiatrist Marcel Rufo states that a successful fraternity is when you become friends with your brother or sister.
Let's not forget that brutal words or acts carried out by members of a sibling sometimes leave un alterable and painful scars in the mind of a person, just like a parent violent. Quite often, fights are often directed at the parent in order to get special attention. If these battles are more or less harmless, we must be careful with children who display a more malevolent tendency, that of really making the youngest suffer. These behaviors can manifest themselves in various ways, either by intentionally throwing the youngest into the water when the latter is extremely afraid of it, pretending to suffocate him, etc. These are acts worth investigating and must stop immediately.
Some psychologists maintain that jealousy is very positive in children since it dethronesthe child-king from his seat of Almighty. However, in order to calm certain ardor, nothing like parental affection to appease the jealous child who only aspires to be reassured of his place in the hearts of his parents. His behavior will be greatly improved.
Quarrels and disputes, should we intervene?
By putting them in situations where they learn to recognize feelings that are different from their own, they are able to socialize. Arguments are actually great socializing showcases! The well-known psychoanalyst, Françoise Dolto affirms that one should not intervene in an argument between brothers and sisters under the sole pretext that one of them is the smallest or the weakest. By intervening in this way, you will only distribute the roles of victim and aggressor. The psychoanalyst maintains that there is no point in asking who started it since each child is convinced that it is the other. Moreover, she reminds that the best thing is to let them bicker making sure, of course, that the fights do not put anyone in danger. By avoiding taking sides, parents define lines of conduct between each child.
Thus, in the absence of one of them, access to his room must be prohibited by the other members of the siblings. Françoise Dolto specifies in her book "The major stages of childhood" that you should not scold a child when he shows aggression towards the baby, but rather take him aside. and explain to himcalmly the physical differences between him and his brother or sister.