2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
In the left corner, your five-year-old son and, in the right corner, his three-year-old sister. Two featherweights, maybe, but two world class fighters! What to do when the chicanery is about to drive us crazy?
Reassure yourself right away: there is a fight in all the houses where there are children. Yours is no exception to the rule. Why do children from the same family argue? The reasons vary. Boredom or habit. It can also be resentment, and despite being from the same family, your children are probably very different from each other.
Fights between children are completely normal and play an important role in the development of your children's social skills. Indeed, conflicts allow them, among other things, to learn to compromise, to solve problems and to build their sense of empathy. Moreover, in the majority of cases, these youthful conflicts do not affect the relationship your children will have when they grow up.
Normal, okay: but these quibbles can also becomea real source of stress and frustration for parents.
What to do?
A priori, it is incumbent on us to remain calm. If you get into it too, the house will quickly become unlivable. The screams may get the better of their first arguments, but soon they will only increase the decibel level. Your role is to listen to your children and thus lead them to regain their composure and understand the reasons that lead them to quarrel.
Also, don't make a habit of meddling in their every dispute. They must learn to resolve their conflicts on their own. That said, if they come to blows, it goes without saying that they must be stopped immediately: violence is unacceptable.
Get into the habit of reviewing the chicane in the evening. Invite your children to share with you what they learned from it and what they could have done so as not to come to blows and shouts. And, of course, lead by example: if your children often witness your domestic scenes, there is a good chance that they will imitate you.
Too much is too much
Despite our good will, sometimes the situation becomes downright unbearable. If your home has turned into a real battleground, here are some tips that might help you end the war.
1- Keep your children busySome children argue like this because they are bored. If this seems to be the case in your home, keep your kids busy. Gamescalm and artistic, such as music, painting, drawing require concentration and are done alone. And if they really have a hard time having fun next to each other, separate them.
2- Make the rulesMake the rules clear and simple, and teach them to your children. They need to be aware that there will be consequences for their actions, no matter where the quarrel starts: outside, visiting or at home. Be consistent.
3- Reward good behaviorIt is often better to reward good behavior than to repeatedly point out and chastise bad ones. Many children respond better to positive reinforcement, and you get more pleasure out of it, too. After a good day, take your child to the park or prepare their favorite meal. You could also make a positive behavior wall. After X number of good moves, give your kids a special outing.
4- Teach them about sharing and problem solvingAccompany your children to help them solve their problems by themselves. Along the same lines, encourage sharing. Learning to resolve conflicts will help your children at home, but also in their everyday life, at daycare and at school.
5- Treat your children fairlyYour children are probably not the same age, which means they don't have the same privileges or responsibilities. HeIt is therefore important that they understand that, if they do not inherit exactly the same consequences, it is a matter of logic, not preferences. Be consistent and consistent. Treat your children fairly.
Inspiring Readings
- It's not me, it's him!, Nadia Gagnier, La Presse edition, ISBN 9782923194707, 16, 95 $
- Brothers and sisters without rivalry: a survival manual for a more serene family!, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, Aux éditions du Phare, ISBN 9782981161017, 21, 95 $
