Your feeling of love is exhausted and Christmas is coming. Even if it means being ready to tear everything down after the holidays, it might be better to spend Christmas without pretending…
The dilemma can be heartbreaking: if we break up before Christmas, what will happen to the holiday parties and the kids? Above all, we don't want to cast a shadow over their happiness! And if we push back the separation to the beginning of next year instead, can we play the game of the united couple? No matter how much we pretend, adults are generally not fooled: sooner or later, it will be known or at least felt…
“Some people prefer to push the dust under the rug, but if you get stuck in the flowers of the rug, the dust comes out…”, points out the psychologist Jean-Claude Lasry, specialist in couple relations. The dust is kicking up and that's how the truth might come out.
Despite everything, the psychologist specifies that he does not systematically recommend waiting until after Christmas to make the separation final and official. “For me, the most important factor in all of this is the children, not the timing of the separation.”
Separate before Christmas
The couple who have been struggling for months or even a year and whose relationship is full of argumentsimposes on children a source of stress that already disturbs their little happiness. How will waiting 15 more days to end the relationship take the weight off the children's shoulders?
With this in mind, the couple will choose to separate before Christmas: the decision in terms of planning the holiday season will of course depend on the importance they place on this period of celebrations. “Obviously, if the couple separates before Christmas, the ex-spouses cannot act as if nothing had happened…”, adds Mr. Lasry.
We can still try to preserve a pleasant Christmas for the whole family, for example by celebrating Christmas Eve within one of the two families and on Boxing Day or the day before Christmas An in the company of the other family, so that the children can celebrate in the company of everyone they love.
This type of arrangement may be unlikely in the case of a separation caused by adultery. A woman who discovers that her spouse has a mistress (or vice versa) may not want to spend more time with him. It is then better to separate before Christmas.
The cheated spouse could still grant permission to the mother or father of their children to come home for Christmas Eve… for the sake of the children, suggests Mr. Lasry.
Separate after Christmas
Whether we decide to separate before or after Christmas, the two members of the couple must always remember that they remain the parents of their children, underlines thepsychologist. "Of course, if the couple's problems have been going on for a long time, they can try to 'play the game' over the holidays and split up afterwards, so the families can spend Christmas together."
Obviously, if we adopt this scenario, it will take a lot of skill and tact not to blunder and the spouses about to separate will have to put water in their wine to camouflage the tensions between them… After all, it's a time of celebration!
No more singles after Christmas?
Even if one might think that the holiday season and the start of the new year push many couples to end their union, the psychologist interviewed for this article does not see this in his practice. "I see two periods during which there are a little more separations: the beginning of spring and the months of September and October", he specifies.
Are there still more singles looking for another soul mate during this period? We posed the question to the product manager of the Réseau Contact dating site. She says the highest traffic of the year usually occurs in mid-fall and back from the holidays. "At their holiday parties, people get asked why they're 'still' single, they find it hard to see others as a couple and it motivates them to meet someone. And they go out less (the budget is tighter after the big holiday expenses),” explains Caroline Goineau.