Mothers, especially those who work outside the home, understand this feeling all too well: guilt. What if the amount of time spent with our child was not so important?
Let's agree: every minute spent with our little ones is important – for them, and especially for us! But a recent study has recently shown that it is not, contrary to what one might think, the amount of time spent with a child that is really important, but rather the quality of it.
Intensive Maternity
In English, we speak of “intensive mothering”: this sacralization of mother-child time, omnipresent in North America, which means that these moments together are all unique and irreplaceable. According to this principle, the mother being more sensitive, she would have a doubly important role to play with the child and should, for his good development, be present as much as possible in his life: to understand if possible, all the time. This means that women who aspire to have a career, or those who have to leave the house for various reasons should feel bad about “parking” theirchild in daycare. Indeed, some believe (and proclaim loud and clear) that the time spent with the mother is more important than that spent with any individual and that there would be harmful consequences for the child who would be deprived of it.
Extreme Expectations
Of course, with these extreme expectations comes a lot of stress. Not only that, but they are also the basis of the phenomenon of the“superwoman”: this invincible woman who manages to do everything, metro-job-baby (and who does not even wear of concealer!) The truth is, unworthy working mothers (and even stay-at-home mothers) have extremely difficult time achieving the goals that society has set for them, and yet, we spend more time with children today than in the 1970s – when the average for women working outside the home was much lower.
Quantity or quality?
According to a study (Does the Amount of Time Mothers Spend With Children or Adolescents Matter?) recently published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, it seems that all this precious time will ultimately have no impact on the child's future. Based on data collected from 2,383 children and adolescents, the researchers came to the conclusion that the amount of time spent with the child would not change anything. “There is no cause-and-effect relationship between the amount of time spent with the child and their outcomes.(behavioural, emotional or academic),” says sociology professor and study co-author Melissa Milkie. Which is absolutely not to say that it is useless to spend time with your child: quality is simply better than quantity.
And the dad?
If we assume that the time spent with the mother is irreplaceable, then what becomes of the role of the father? Would his own time be less rich, less important? No: whether the quality time is spent with the mother or the father, the results are the same. Unexpectedly, it was discovered that it is especially among adolescents that the amount of time spent with family had real consequences on self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, the study significantly demonstrated that the more time teenagers spent with their family, the less likely they were to engage in delinquent behavior.
Determining Factors
Furthermore, the study has shown that despite the time you spend with your children, what really influences their academic success and their behavior is first and foremost the education of the parents and their financial ressources. As previously demonstrated, family structure plays a key role in child development.
Brief: Do you work long hours at the office? Do you want to spend a romantic weekend and have the children looked after? Remove the guilt: you are not “breaking” yourchildren! On the contrary! The stress you feel, from wanting to do everything, is felt by the child and indeed has repercussions on his academic success and development.
