To follow up on my previous article on the age at which you should talk about sexuality with your child, I thought it appropriate to guide you on how to approach sexuality with your preteens and teenagers.
The age of puberty
Around the age of puberty, talk to your preteen about the bodily and psychological changes inherent in this age: ideally, to avoid creating discomfort, the father should talk to her son and the mother to her daughter. Having experienced this period yourself, you are able to understand what he is going through at the moment. You will have more credibility if you are of the same sex.
Menstruation
With the girl, bring up the subject of menstruation and reassure her about this important step: prepare her so that she knows what to do (ex.: tell her where the sanitary napkins are at home and slip one in her school bag in case her period starts while she is in class). Also explain to her that it is from this moment that she will become fertile, which implies that she must take the necessary measures (condom, pillbirth control) to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.
Notions of respect
At the boy's, talk to him about the respect he should have towards women: it is important that you show your son that a girl/woman has the right to say no to his advances and that everyone has his own pace in terms of discovering his body and that of the other. Being attracted to a person does not automatically mean that they are on their side and even if they are, the other may be more reluctant to share their intimacy.
The Condom
In both sexes, encourage them to use condoms during sex: your teen will surely know that ejaculating inside a vagina carries a risk of pregnancy and contracting STIs. On the other hand, most of them are unaware that seminal fluid can lead to the same result. It's a simple penis/vagina rub to get pregnant or get infected with an STI.
Contraception is all well and good, but that's not all
Explain to your teen that a he althy romantic relationship is based on respect for oneself and for others. Knowing how to accept differences (e.g. homosexuality) is also an aspect that you should discuss with him so that he feels reassured if it concerns him and/or to avoid bullying towards other students.
Pornography has nothing to do with reality
Very accessible, pornography misinforms teenagers about sexuality. The stereotypes conveyed in these videos do notthan fueling stubborn prejudices against male and female pleasure. Do not hesitate to explain to them that a woman needs to be caressed to feel good and that coitus very rarely leads to the excitement that these films tend to demonstrate. Emphasize the importance of kisses and caresses, which should be at the heart of a sexual relationship. In short, a sexual relationship should be based on respect, trust and fairness.
