You have found plenty of words to tell him about his mess: Put away your garbage, your pigsty, your mess… Nothing to do! Faced with its inertia, should we insist or ignore it?
Looking sleepy, even exasperated, your teenager listens to you scolding him about "his unsanitary room that you keep cleaning up before the cockroaches nest there, it's so disgusting" and the reflection you see in his eyes says "blah, blah, blah". Yet, for years, you have been organizing places, buying tablets, bookcases, chests that simply have to be filled, but your efforts have never borne fruit. On the contrary, the situation is getting worse. What to do?
Parents often feel, rightly or wrongly, that the battleground that their teenager's room has become is a reflection of an inner "mess." While it is true in some cases that children going through more difficult times may see cleaning their room as an opportunity to clarify their ideas and clear their minds, this mess is often just a way of getting by. appropriate a room in the house and do as they please.
Adolescents, these adults in the making,express a great need for freedom on a daily basis, which begins with the place where they spend a lot of time, their bedroom. While most exasperated parents try to push them to clean it up, psychologists are adamant: clutter is a must in adolescence and this problem usually resolves itself, usually by the time parents give up. So don't feel bad for giving them this freedom and if the sight of this clutter in the heart of your home annoys you to no end, close the door.
It is also not recommended to do the cleaning for them without asking their opinion. After 13, teenagers need to have a space of their own, where they can keep secrets and make decisions without being constantly spied on and led back on the right track. This place is their bedroom.
Of course, if your child rushes into his room as soon as he arrives, asks to eat there and only leaves to go to the bathroom, your relationship could deteriorate quickly. In this case, it is better to get him out of it from time to time by practicing activities with him. But as a general rule, you should always knock before entering and ask her permission before putting away her belongings or taking her clothes to the wash, if only to show her some respect.
Your child should not act as if they were in a hotel andaccording to Daniel Marcelli, professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Faculty of Medicine of the University Hospital of Poitiers, it is all the same more important to teach children respect for others, the sharing of tasks and the meaning of reciprocity than to delimit their territory at all costs. It is therefore necessary that this space of freedom is restricted to his own room and that he understands that the places he shares with the rest of the family must be returned, on his departure, in the same state as they were on departure. his arrival.
Obviously, if it is good to tolerate a few clothes here and there, your room must not exceed certain he alth rules. Table scraps, packaging and dirty clothes from the past month are way over the line. You don't want your bedroom to turn into a trash can either, and for some people, these nasty habits could carry over into adulthood and make household chores even more laborious.
Children who have learned to tidy up at an early age will find it easier to form good habits. Others will gain by slowly learning how to organize their affairs and how to clean efficiently… What we can do as parents is to teach them how to do it in the rest of the family home. So let them have their room so they can catch their breath once in a while.