Back to school is exciting… but not for all children. Indeed, if many are eager to find their friends at school, others are anxious at the very thought of returning to school.
He has a stomach ache, heartache, just thinking about it… No: your child does not want to go to school, rather die! But why does school turn some children off like this?
There are several reasons why your child may not want to return to class. For example, if it is his return to kindergarten, he may simply be frightened by the novelty. After a move, the change of school can also be stressful for the child, who will have to make new friends. For the older ones, who already know the workings of school life, several other factors can influence him: does he have difficulty succeeding, does he get along well with other students, does he friends and, of course, is he the whipping boy of a certain group?
Whatever the reasons that put your child off, you must first identify them in order to be able to help and support them adequately. After all, going to school is non-negotiable!
The entrance to thekindergarten
Starting school for the very first time can be scary: especially for children who have not attended the CPE. Indeed, a school is big, it's big, and it's a lot of changes. Meeting new children, new adults, can therefore be a source of intense stress for the child, who will fear entering school. Fortunately, all kindergarten starts gradually: one hour (with mom or dad), half a day, then, finally, a full day.
It is therefore important to prepare your child well for starting school. And remember that what you say and think about school will greatly influence your child. So we must adopt a positive attitude, even if we are a little worried ourselves.
Helping your child
The first thing to do is to talk to your child in order to clearly identify the causes of his anxiety. Sometimes just feeling listened to can help them calm down.
Remember that fears are not always rational, and with that in mind, avoid ridiculing them. Rather apply yourself to understanding your child, to empathize, by telling him for example your own past experiences, at the time when you were yourself on the school benches. This way, he will feel less alone, “normal”. To see that you yourself have managed to overcome your fears could reassure him.
Don't forget: formulas like "let's see, it's going to be fine", or "there's nonothing there, you'll see", do nothing to help your child. In fact, these little phrases, which are of course said without malice, can give the child the impression that he is not right to feel this way, that he is “abnormal”, even fearful. As a result, he may be more nervous.
Other ways to cheer him on
There are other ways to help the child feel more confident and less nervous about school.
Whether it's starting the school year at a new school or entering kindergarten, your child will likely benefit from being familiar with the institution. Go visit the school with him. You could also, the summer before the start of the school year, go play with him in the yard. In the same vein, if you come across children who are his age, do not hesitate to introduce them to him: often, shy children tend to be more worried about change and knowing a or two faces at school might make the experience easier.
Remember that going to school is difficult for him, so do not neglect every effort he makes.
What is your own relationship to school? How do you present the studies to him? We must strive to be positive: at school, we live the best years of our lives! We learn a lot of things, and we make a lot of friends! We can never say it enough: we are the first model of our child. In addition,why not take the time to make a list of all the things your child likes (or might like) about school? There must be some: whether it's friends, the arts, physical education or his teacher.
Performance anxiety, you know? Your children want to please you and if you put a lot of pressure on their shoulders so that they have good results, they could on the contrary find it difficult to concentrate. It is therefore necessary to value the efforts before the results.
In short, your child must understand that going to school is not a choice: all children must go there. You must therefore be firm and make him understand that school is not negotiable.
Try to recognize the real pains of the little sores that accompany anxiety. Headaches, stomachaches, heartaches that are not accompanied by fever (and strangely always show up at the same times) are perhaps the result of his anxiety. We talk about somatization: his sores reflect his insecurity.
The key is not to keep it at home, on the contrary! Instead, give him tools that will allow him to better manage his anxiety episodes.
If your child starts to stop wanting to go to school overnight, you need to investigate and take action. Thus, if he is being bullied, or thatyou think he is (most children don't dare speak to adults about these problems), ask to meet his teacher and/or the administration.