Whether they are friends or members of our family, the godfather or godmother you have chosen for your child may not adequately fulfill his role. What are your options?
For various reasons, son's godfather or godmother may disappoint you: they are not involved in your child's life; they don't give news; they never give a gift or even a greeting card on birthdays; they ultimately don't share your beliefs…
There's no going back
If you have undergone a proper religious baptism at the church, know that there is no going back: you cannot "divorce" or "repudiate" a godfather or a godmother. Indeed, the fact that they were present during the ceremony, therefore witnesses, and that they signed the religious register formalizes their role. It is therefore preferable to choose the godfather/godmother couple carefully, especially if this role is very important to you.
Choosing a godfather and a godmother
In a Catholic baptism, the role of godfather and godmother is one of support: by establishing a special bond with the child, they thus undertake toaccompany him in his Christian faith. It is a symbolic role, religious, but not "legal". If this is indeed what you are looking for from your child's godfather and godmother, then you should be clear about it, since not everyone has the same relationship with religion, especially nowadays. This will prevent you from being disappointed in the long run.
If, in the past, the first-born of a family had their grandparents as godfather and godmother, things have changed over time. Thus, many today decide to choose the godfather or godmother from among their circle of friends. In the end, what matters is that the person chosen shares our vision of what sponsorship is, whether they are more religious or secular.
The Good
Not only do you have to mature your decision, you also have to talk about it with the principal concerned. Indeed, the future godfather/godmother should also have questions about what is expected of his role. If you establish your expectations from the start, the prospective sponsors will be better able to know whether or not they feel ready to accept these responsibilities. In addition, it is important to take into account the availability of the person, his values and his geographical distance. In addition, a candidate who already has many referrals may not be able to invest as much as another.
It's not okay
Of course, sometimes, despite our good intentions, it just doesn't work. Conflictsfamily, end of a friendship, breakup or quite simply different views can indeed tarnish the relationship. It also happens that the link is not made. What to do then?
As we mentioned above, it is impossible to change godfather or godmother once the baptism is done. However, it has already happened that certain priests accept a new godfather or godmother during confirmation. Usually, the godfather and godmother should indeed be present during this ceremony, in order to reaffirm their role. Of course, if this is what you want to do, you must first discuss it with your priest.
It is also possible for parents to designate a new person, without necessarily being registered in the register. Thus, she will be able to perform exactly the same function as a registered godfather/godmother. This is what we could, in a way, call a godfather, or a godmother of hearts!
Even if, unlike in France, for example, it is not possible to have a "civil baptism", some perform a more personalized ceremony. Therefore, there are no pre-established roles for the godfather and the godmother, and the title seems, for many, above all symbolic. Nevertheless, to avoid disappointment on either side, it is essential to sit down between parents and godfather/godmother to ensure that all parties have the same vision of this role.
