2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
We often talk about the fusional relationship that twins can have, but they are not immune to conflict!
Fusion or not, all children go through similar phases. And some are much nicer than others! For example, until the age of three, children are very self-centered, since they are in an “egocentric” stage: everything revolves around their navel. Even if they are two and must already share a mom and a dad, the twins also have an egocentric vision of the world and will therefore have difficulty sharing. Little by little, they will manage to put words on what they feel and they will realize that they are indeed part of the world, but that everything does not revolve around them. But before that, the twins' relationship may be a bit rocky. For one thing, unlike siblings of different ages, twins go through the same phases at the same time. (Yes, two “terrible twos” in the house!) In addition, during the “complementarity” phase, the twins will tend to test each other, in order to develop their own personalities. This testing period can of course go through physical force.
Hard to share
It's hardto teach our children the importance, even the joys of sharing. And having to teach it to two children of the same age, at the same time, can be twice as much work. With repetition and encouragement, and the older they get, your children will assimilate the abstract meaning of the word sharing. To help them, set an example yourself: use the word sharing as much as possible. Indeed, repeating a concept can help your children grasp its meaning. Along these lines, take every opportunity to show your children what sharing is all about. For example, instead of separating all the snacks equally (to avoid conflict), make one big plate for everyone. One piece for Mom, one piece for Nathan, one piece for William.
Positive reinforcement and consequences
Every action has consequences. If it is important to correct a conflict situation, it is also essential to highlight the good moves. So, when you witness a gesture of sharing or simply kindness from one of your children, highlight it. Children are very sensitive to positive reinforcement and if encouraged, they will be more tempted to do it again.
Of course, the opposite is also true, and when one of your children steals a toy, or hits you, you should step in and reprimand them.
All double?
To avoid conflicts, you might be tempted to have everything duplicated. Two copies of each of the toys: finished, the chicane! It is certainly unpleasant to have toIntervene all the time because your little ones are in conflict every two minutes, but it is nevertheless an important stage in their development. If you don't do it now, you will pay the consequences later. Encourage each other: The twins are learning to share at home, but these skills will also come in handy at daycare or school. So, you don't need to have duplicates of everything: but you might want to split the objects that always cause conflicts.
Installing two separate playgrounds could also help. They are twins, but they too need to play alone, from time to time. This does not necessarily mean having two separate rooms: you could simply divide the living room in two: Nathan plays on the left, and William, on the right.
Let 'em settle their fights
This may seem paradoxical, since we praised the importance of the consequences above, but try not to intervene too soon. Remember that arguments, as unpleasant as they are, are also beneficial for children who, little by little, will learn to manage their conflicts. Finding solutions, negotiating, verbalizing, opening up to the feelings of others, developing a sense of resourcefulness: these are skills that your children will acquire through having disagreements.
Impatience and short temper
Mood swings are common in young children. As we said, they still can't explain with words.words how they feel. Thus, they can come to the cries, even to the blows. tantrums are normal and, when dealing with twins, they may well be quite common, since one of them often drags the other down. In order to support them in managing their emotions, here are some steps that could help you:
1. Recognize – When an emotion sets in for one of your children, take the time to recognize the physical symptoms it is causing. The timbre of the voice changes, the pulse quickens, the tears… By recognizing them, you will be able to intervene more quickly, before the carnage.
2. Name – Now that you have recognized the symptoms, name the emotion. Anger, frustration, grief…
3. Identify the cause – Find out what caused this emotion. This will allow you to intervene better.
4. Manage – Work with your child to find ways to deal with the situation and, if possible, to prevent it.
Fusional relationship
Finally, we often talk about the close relationship that the twins have together. Don't be disappointed or worried if your children argue. This special relationship that unites the twins is not innate, but acquired. By dint of living together, getting to know each other, they will develop a special bond, but they need time. Twins are unique individuals, who were lucky enough to be born at the same time. Theyeach have their own personality and must learn to live with that of the other. Exposed to the same type of education, the same people, the same experiences, they will develop opinions and tastes that are similar. Which does not mean that they are immune to conflict! But rest assured: this period, which is particularly difficult for parents, is most of the time ephemeral. The more they grow, the better they will manage to settle their little chicanes between them.
