2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
After growing up in the same womb and receiving the same care, around 2 years old, the twins come out of their fusion phase. How to promote their autonomy and development?
The development of twins is unique: indeed, they go through several stages, from fusion (from birth to 2 years), to complementarity (until 6 years) to autonomy. During the period of complementarity, the twins often develop a very strong complicity. The stronger this bond, the more difficult it can be for them to emancipate themselves. Ultimately, however, it is essential that they develop a certain sense of autonomy since, one day or another, they will have to function on their own, without counting on the comforting presence of the other. This is why it is important to promote the autonomy of twins from an early age, without rushing them.
Gently
As we mentioned, the bond that unites twins between the ages of 2 and 6 is very strong, and some children will find it hard to be separated from their co-twin. If the road to autonomy is paved with small successes for only children, it is also for twins, especially if a dominant/dominated relationshipvery strong settled between them. Listen and promote the gentle method. For example, don't force your children to sleep in separate bedrooms if they don't want to. There are other ways to promote independence in your children. For example, by avoiding always dressing them the same way. On birthdays, give different gifts to your two children, and ask those around you to do the same. Sure, some toys may create a few outbursts of jealousy, but so do all siblings.
- Highlight their differences in a positive way. For example, if one is more daring than the other, avoid criticizing their behavior or, worse, punishing them. The difference is good! Take yourself as an example. At the table, explain to your children that you love broccoli while dad prefers carrots.
- Remember that conflicts between your twins help them establish their uniqueness and shape their personality. So only intervene if the confrontation becomes violent: if your twins are bickering, as far as possible, let them settle their differences on their own. However, you can give them tools to make their job easier.
- Organize moments without the co-twin: today, mum is going to the cinema with Loïc, while dad is taking Jovan to the museum. Next week it will be the opposite!
- Encourage the twins to do a different activity. Dance, sports, drawing, music…
In the sameclass?
With the start of the school year, your children will enter their first phase of autonomy (the second being in adolescence). Is it better to place the twins in the same class, or in separate classes? There is no absolute rule in this matter, since each set of twins is unique.
The purpose of separating twins at school is to help them separate. Indeed, many experts believe that separation will promote the independence of children, but this, depending on the type of couple that the two children form, may prove to be false.
For example, when entering kindergarten, we will sometimes tend to separate the twins so that they gain autonomy. But kindergarten is already a demanding stage during which children are asked to adapt to a host of new things: they have to get used to the school environment, places, new faces, schedules. In addition, it could be the first real shock of separation with the family. Some twins, accustomed to daycare, will not experience the separation negatively, while for others, still close friends, this change will be very difficult. This is why it is advisable not to force the separation, which could then become an obstacle to their success and their adaptation to school.
You must therefore measure the needs and desires of your children and discuss them with the school management. Some teachers are reluctant to accept twins in their class, particularlyidentical twins. You could then do their hair, dress them differently to make it easier for them and wait until they enter primary school to place them in different classes.
