“To be carried away by a multitude of conflicting problems, to respond to too many requests, to engage in too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our time. »
This quote is from Théodore Monod, a French scientist, explorer and humanist.
I can't stop thinking about these lyrics when I'm stuck in traffic on a Tuesday night. It's 4:45 p.m. I stare at the dial every 30 seconds, desperately hoping to roll back time. The daycare closes at 5 p.m. Guaranteed fine. Day camp daycare, at 5:30 p.m. To make matters worse, the oldest has his soccer game at the other end of town at 6 p.m. and I'm the one who has to bring the popsicles!
And through it all…the kids have to have dinner!
It's the race: morning, noon, evening. Performance for yesterday, today, tomorrow…
Parentburnout is on the rise. More and more are admitting defeat! But defeated by whom, by what? They are first victims of the image they have of the perfect parent, who will manage to lead everything at arm's length: the couple, the family, he alth, career and life.social.
Breathless
What if we let go? Letting go of perfection: wanting to excel at work at all costs, being available for overtime, playing in a stimulating and educational way with your children in the evening, being available with a smile, for extracurricular activities, ensuring follow-ups for medical appointments of our aging parents and having a spotless home.
Following this line of thought, what if we gave up the idea of total control over everything that happens to us?
Traffic, I can't help it but my reaction to traffic, yes! It is there, my space of control. This second step is often the most difficult. But it is this step that will allow us to live better with our choices and to appreciate the present moment. The click is made when we realize that we do not have control over the events, but that we have it entirely on the way we will react and on the duration of time that we will let ourselves be mentally affected by the event..
One breath at a time
It's an observation. I will arrive late. I take three deep breaths. This is THE thing when I feel panic rising.
I've learned that to breathe deeply, you have to be willing to let go of your resistance and embrace reality as it presents itself. It's magic!
Once my state is more centered, I phone the home environment manager and update her on the situation (making a few jokes about the orange cones). I even dare himask a BIG favour: does she happen to have sandwich ingredients in her fridge? We will not have the choice to picnic in the car (without complex!). To my surprise, she tells me that she takes care of everything and goes into action to prepare them the BEST car picnic of their young lives! In addition, she prepares them with son! Phew!
There was a time when I would have fumed in the car, phoned at the last minute, and eaten up with guilt, I would probably have stopped at a service at the car on the way.
Tomorrow morning, I will be happy to bring a box of pastries with a nice note to thank my home care provider for her invaluable help.
Breathe
Parental letting go is accepting not to be perfect and asking the people around us for help, support, listening and advice we need. It's also realizing that our own attitude to the situation is more important than anything else.
Would the childcare provider have helped me if I hadn't had a pleasant attitude on the phone? Would son have had such a good time at soccer if I only gave off negative energy? We are the craftsmen of our daily life and responsible for making it pleasant.
Finally, letting go is above all about breathing. One day at a time, one breath at a time remembering that we are doing our best.
