2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
As a mom, are you the one who thinks, anticipates and plans what is necessary for the proper functioning of your family? This load weighs heavily on your shoulders? Let's see how it is possible to lighten your burden.
This reality you live in is called mental load.
This mental load is problematic if it leads to exhaustion, a feeling of dissatisfaction and if it causes conflicts in your life as a couple. The heaviness you feel comes from the repetition of tasks, the constant worrying, the lack of recognition and the lack of support.
Know that the first step to being able to transform a problematic situation is to be aware of it! A person cannot change a situation of which he is not aware! So, at the base, there must be an awareness in you and in your partner concerning the stakes in your family life. Obviously, you have no control over your partner's awareness.
To help you better understand the issues, I suggest a few thoughts.
Thoughts for you
- What aspect weighs on me the mostin my life as a mom?
- What is important to me?
- Am I a perfectionist and/or high performer?
- Do I find it easy to say no?
- Can I accept things being done differently?
- Am I an anxious person?
- What are my strengths, talents and abilities?
- Is it easy for me to say I can't do it alone?
- What does it mean to me to be a "good mother"?
- What would contribute to my happiness?
Thoughts for him
- What weighs me the most in my life as a dad?
- What is important to me?
- What is my involvement in family life?
- Do I take initiative?
- If yes, how are they received?
- What are my strengths/talents and abilities?
- Do I feel like I'm supporting my spouse?
- What does it mean to me to be a "good father"?
- What would contribute to my happiness?
To ask or not to ask?
The mothers I meet are tired of having to ask for their partner to participate in chores and household planning. They wish they had nothing to ask for and that their partner would take the initiative.
Ideally, you and your spouse would have the same vision of things and the same level of involvement! But the change of mentality takes time. I'm not convinced that stopping asking altogether will simplifyyour short-term life.
How to start a change?
- Talk about how you feel about this burden and the impact on your well-being.
- Identify your priorities and common values
- Leave your partner with the children without having prepared everything
- Lower your demands
- Honor your personal needs
- Avoid blame
- Make a list of things to do according to frequency (daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, occasionally)
- Distributetasksand "departments" according to your interests and abilities
Regarding the solutions suggested, know that it is up to you to find what works according to your personality, your valuesand those of your spouse. Remember that your habits won't change in a few days. Change is possible with mutual understanding, communication and a mutual commitment to your family happiness!
