2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
Does the thought of separating from your baby give you gray hair? You are not alone! Most parents experience it at least once.
Not all parents live well with the idea of leaving their baby with someone else. For some, leaving the house for a few hours equals stress and biting nails. In some cases, going fifteen minutes without looking at the phone to make sure nothing serious has happened is out of the question. For others, leaving a long list of things to do and safety measures to follow is imperative. So where does this fear of entrusting your child to someone else come from, sometimes even… to your own father?
Confidence and maternal instinct
The specialists are categorical, the maternal instinct as we experience it in other mammals does not exist in humans. With us, it is rather social construction and education that lead to what is called “the maternal instinct”. According to Catherine Vidal, neurobiologist, “the experience of a woman with her child is the product of her personal history, and of the social, economic and political context in which this child is born. It is therefore normal that a parent who has had badexperiences or living in an environment that worries him wants to watch over his child to the point of overprotecting him. It is a question of probabilities and convictions that cannot be blamed on a benevolent parent.
It's when we feel completely unable to trust a member of our family, a babysitter or even our spouse that we have to ask ourselves what is at the origin of this lack of confidence towards others. If it is because of a very negative personal experience, it is more than relevant to confide in your spouse before undermining your role as a father. Beware of your prejudices! Don't assume that your spouse won't know what to do with baby if you leave them alone while they go to the grocery store or go out with a friend! The dad also needs one-on-one time with the child to bond and build his confidence as a father.
If it is the fear of ill-treatment, for example the existence of domestic violence,or another security reason that is in question, we must quickly ask ourselves what we can do to bring about changes both in the environment and in our attitude towards it.
It can also be a simple matter of separation anxiety that is difficult to manage; it is then necessary to try very gently to trust loved ones to let our child breathe and to promote his social development. There is no harm in entrusting your baby to a trusted adult for a few hours.both, on the contrary!
The Impact of Parental Separation Anxiety
For a child, parental separation anxiety can eventually become a problem. Being nurtured all the time, not easily trusting other adults around them and constantly using their parents as a shield can make children feel insecure, especially if their parents tend to belittle other adults in their presence.. Indeed, since children don't make many nuances, they will believe you if you say in front of them that their world is full of dangerous people, that no one can be trusted, that you would never leave your child with anyone. someone other than you. It is therefore better to talk about your concerns among adults and avoid feeding your child's insecurities about the world around him.
Whether or not you decide to have your children in childcare at a very young age, they will have to be left sooner or later, and if it's not to go to daycare, it will be to go to school. When this happens, they are likely to be more prone to stress and academic difficulties if they have not been used to trusting other responsible adults. You will therefore have to be discerning in your explanations if you are more of the mother hen type.
Of course, you don't have to entrust your baby to strangers if you don't feel like it, but you can already carefully choose trusted people to entrust your child to from time to time, don't if only for an hour. When you need help, you'll feel better.
In the meantime, you also have the right to trust each other, because mothers may not have "innate maternal instincts", but that does not prevent them from knowing their child well and from want to be around them as much as possible.