We think that our beloved mom will become our ally after the birth of our child, but sometimes that's not what happens! What do we do when Grandma gets pushy?
Prevention is better than cure
Often, grandmas think they are doing the right thing by flooding us with advice and knowledge, but they can sometimes exceed the limits of what we are ready to accept. The best way to prevent grandma from interfering in your life to a degree that makes you uncomfortable is to talk to her about it before the baby is even born and establish your boundaries with her so that she prepare to respect them after birth.
How do you set your limits? You must first discuss it with your spouse in order to determine what you consider to be your own responsibilities, which concern only you, the parents. It's up to you two to decide what you feel comfortable with, but here are some important points to cover:
- Grandma should never criticize, judge or question parents and their choices.
- Grandma should respect parents' life choices(sleep, diet, medication, education, discipline, etc.) of the parents.
- Grandma should always check with parents and get parental approval before giving gifts, outings, and other special surprises that usually go to parents.
What do we do when it's our mother-in-law who makes us want to pull our hair? We must absolutely have the support of our spouse first, it is the basis. Without him, our efforts will lead nowhere. For more tips, read our article Making Peace With Your Stepmother.
Grandma is everywhere
As in any other human relationship problem, the best way to proceed is to communicate your desires to the other person while respecting their personality and feelings. Choose a convenient time, when your emotions aren't in your grip, and tell her honestly what makes you uncomfortable.
You can explain to her that you understand the importance of the role of a grandma, while establishing your limits in an open and reasoned way. Prioritize what really matters: Giving a slice of cake on a weeknight isn't as serious and disrespectful as giving a vegetarian kid a burger or refusing to give her medication because she thinks he doesn't have any. don't need.
If Grandma has difficulty taking your comments without feeling attacked, or she refuses to take them into account, you can decide tomoment that it would be beneficial for everyone to take a short break and to space out the visits a little. That way Grandma will have time to take a step back and take in your comments with a clear head.
It's important to know how to express what makes you uncomfortable. It is also normal to want to be responsible for decisions that relate to your child. On the other hand, you also have to know how to recognize good advice when it comes. We can respect the experience of our grandmothers of love and choose what suits us without having to feel guilty because we don't do everything the same. After all, our parents made mistakes too, it's normal that we make them too!
In some cases, despite the many discussions made in the rules of the art, grandma does not want to understand anything. First you have to establish that it is not your fault. The important thing is that you have tried to enforce your boundaries, while being aware of his feelings. The rest is up to him and if you think a longer term break could be beneficial for you and your children, only you can make that decision for your family.
It's sad, because that's not what we want for our children. We would like to offer them a good family life with grandparents like those of our childhood: present, but not too much, naughty, but also serious and above all, always there to teach usnew things and tell us fascinating stories. But for the sake of our children, sometimes we also have to make difficult decisions. And who knows, maybe Grandma will understand a little more the impact of her interventions on you and your family. After all, that doesn't mean closing the door forever!