If you are unhappy and frustrated, it is quite possible, even quite normal, that you question your relationship. When things go wrong, before you come to a breakup, what options are available to you?
Don't Avoid Conflict
Do you avoid confronting your spouse hoping that over time the situation will improve on its own? This is a mistake, since the more we ignore a conflict, the more we feed it. Indeed, harmony within a couple is not defined by the absence of disputes, but rather by the ability of the spouses to resolve them together. So try to talk right away about what worries or hurts you, trying not to be judgmental or accusatory. And remember, it's not always your partner's fault. Accept your wrongs: it will help him and it will help you too.
Make a pros and cons list
Yes: the great classic on the list is still relevant! This might help you see things more clearly. Include as much the financial aspects as the emotional ones, and take advantage of this exercise to look for the reasons for this estrangement and yourfrustrations.
Please note: this list is for you, and for you only! It should not be used as an argument or "proof of conviction" during a face-to-face meeting with your spouse.
Confide in a friend
To take a step back, there's nothing like talking about what's bothering you. Look for a good ear who will listen to you and, if possible, advise you wisely. Try to find someone impartial. We therefore forget the members of the family, or the friends of the couple, who could obviously have a biased point of view on the whole affair. The important thing is to verbalize: not to put someone on trial.
Focus on the future
Assess the possibilities and your future together. The future is ahead, and with that in mind, if you and your spouse decide to work to make things work, don't bring up conflicts from the past.
Conversely, if despite the nice words and promises, nothing changes and your relationship only gets worse, don't cling to a past that no longer exists. Certainly, you were once happy. Unfortunately, it happens that we grow up by moving away. And the distances may be too great to swim across: especially if you are the only one to have left your shore while it is still comfortably seated on its beach.
Take some time alone
Start with a few hours or even a weekend alone. Sometimes just takingits distances allows us to have a better perspective, a global view of our situation.
If nothing is going well, opt for a temporary separation, the time to clarify things. How long? Hard to say, but it is usually advisable to take a step back for more than two weeks, considerably limiting contact with the spouse. Which, among other things, means not flinching and grabbing the phone when you get bored. You will have to overcome the anxiety of loneliness before you can see clearly.
Return to yourself. Without defending or justifying yourself, remember that you have responsibilities towards your union and minimizing them would only make the situation worse. Force yourself to answer questions that can be difficult, like "Do I still love him?" »
Therapy
We have already said it: talking about our relationship and our conflicts is very beneficial. Doing it in front of someone impartial is even better, especially if that person is an expert in the field. Every year, a host of couples who believed all was lost have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Indeed, thanks to the therapy, you could succeed in communicating much more effectively with your spouse. Whether couple or personal, therapy could do you the greatest good.
Children
Endless bickering, irritations, frustrations: hard to believe that you once got along so well! Of course you are notnot the only ones to be caught in this sad gear and, at a time when we point the finger at the “disposable couple”, we do not end a relationship with joy of heart; especially when there are children in the picture.
Staying together 'for the kids', however, is rarely the idea of the century - like having a child to be closer… Indeed, even if children prefer to see their parents together, they also want to have happy parents. No one can be happy in a conflicted relationship: not you, not your children.
Do not demand the impossible
Finally, remember that saving a couple is only possible if you do it together. Sure, you can put water in your wine, but your spouse should too. If this will to save your union is not shared, or if efforts are not made on both sides, you will quickly fall back into the infernal circle, and keeping a couple artificially alive is not the best idea.
In short, if respect is totally absent from your couple, it may be time to listen to you and slam the door. On a more positive note, if you succeed in rekindling the flame, rest assured that your union will only be stronger and more true.
