Having the honor of being a parent is one of the most beautiful gifts of love, and at the same time, it represents the greatest love challenge of our life. Here are some tips for you.
We all wish, as parents, to succeed in being a good role model for our children and instilling in them the values and beliefs that will help them to create positively in their lives. We all care about their he alth, their safety, their education, their academic and social success, in fact, their development. In addition, we all want to put in place effective processes that meet the different needs of our children in order to achieve a harmonious relationship with them and to have fun in everyday life. This article aims to share some simple and effective “love” tips that make a big difference in everyday family harmony.
In reality
You have to admit it, the “hyperactive” society in which we live does not make it easy for us! Our overloaded daily life does not allow us, as much as we would like, to devote ourselves to our affective relationship with our children. In general, we are immersed in a world of performance and competition pushing us to devote agood majority of our time in the professional world. Without really realizing it, we find ourselves in spite of ourselves faced with this infernal complexity of the schedule and the race for the watch. In this situation, we are led into a state of stress and fatigue that leaves us with little availability to enjoy and live fully with our children.
Without a shadow of a doubt, many of us have a lack of mental rest and do not take enough time to become aware of what we really want to bequeath as an emotional and psychological legacy to our children.
Parent-child relationship
In light of this reality, it seems obvious that we parents sometimes need a helping hand to enable us to discover new ways of doing things quickly and efficiently in order to install, in a delicate and constant process, harmony within our relationship with our children and our family.
It is important to listen to the child and know how to intervene judiciously with him to promote the development of a he althy and balanced attachment, a sense of security and confidence in our child which will ensure his psychological, emotional, cognitive, social and spiritual development.
It is also important to understand that many physical and psychological he alth problems arise in children without really understanding the origin of the manifestation. We often have the reflex to look for medical causes and attachthe need for medication or other treatments when the problem, in many cases, is of any other nature, in particular of an emotional nature.
To name a few of these manifestations are a child's difficulty falling asleep, eczema and other skin problems, temper tantrums, nervous tics, behavioral disturbances and learning, constipation, enuresis, isolation. These manifestations are, for the most part, of affective origin, which means that the manifestations are actually physically present, but arise in a cause of affective and psychological conflicts such as, for example, parental control and authority, overprotection, unresolved issues from the parents' past (anger, resentment, anxiety, etc.), emotional neglect and others.
Sprinkle love all over the place
In order to achieve our goal of developing a relationship of love, collaboration, complicity, respect and harmony with our child, several "recipes" and "therapies" are available to us.
Personally, my way of intervening with your children and mine is through neurolinguistic programming (NLP), meaning the communication of love through the senses!
It is first by listening, observing and welcoming the feelings and behaviors of our children that we can make a difference in the relationship we want to establish with them. By the expression of certain words, cries, silences,grimaces, body movements, behaviors that are acceptable or not, our children try, in their own way, according to their stage of development, to make us understand their current state.
In fact, it is about intervening with lots and lots and lots of love with our children on a daily basis. Of course, there are many ways to intervene and react to our children, but it is essential that love be there for our interventions to have a constructive impact on our children.
What this means concretely is that love is expressed, among other things, by putting our children first in our lives and by devoting to them the necessary time they need with their parents to model them and become accomplished adults. By becoming parents, we have the responsibility to ensure their basic needs, including love and emotional security. Although our schedules are busy, we must organize our lives accordingly to assume this responsibility. It is the most beautiful proof of love that we can offer to our children.
Some practical examples
Our children need us to give them time (at least 20 minutes), which varies according to each child, daily. For example, by devoting a short period of play to them (outdoor activities, drawing, games, hide and seek, tickling, etc.) on their return from work before the meal, we attribute importance to them and we tell them, indirectly, " I love you and you are valuable to me”. This short periodattention will allow you to prepare your supper in peace and share your meal with your family in harmony. Moreover, it is among other things this type of parental intervention that builds the self-esteem of the child.
To prevent crises, take the time to calmly listen to your child's request and recognize his needs and desires. When you recognize his desire, without you acquiescing, and explain to him the reasons, for example, for your refusal, he still feels recognized and important. He will collaborate much more easily. For example, your child tells you that he wants to watch “Caillou” just before you leave for daycare. Even though you are in a hurry, take the time to listen to your child and recognize his desire: “You would like to listen to Caillou. I understand. It's true that it's fun. Unfortunately, that's not possible now, because we have to leave so mom can go to work. But you know what? Tonight, when we get home from work, we could sit together and watch Caillou. This type of intervention takes a few minutes and usually saves a lot of time, unlike a crisis and useless argument. And above all, it's done with love and respect.
In situations where your child is aggressive (bites, grabs, hits, etc.) with you and/or with siblings and other children, calmly take the time to assess what is happening to him. Is there a new baby at home? A recent move? Achange of daycare? And the couple relationship, how does it work between the parents on a daily basis? Before quibbling him and losing patience, observe carefully. Talk to him. Tell him that you see that he is angry while telling him that this behavior hurts you and that it can hurt you. Thereafter, stay with him so he doesn't feel rejected or abandoned when he does something less well. Love is unconditional. Chances are he needs more quality time with his parents to get the love and attention he needs to feel safe and self-esteem.
All these interventions seem simple and playful at first glance, but they require an immense amount of “unconditional” love, patience and self-control. What a beautiful legacy to bequeath to our children!
Finally, these examples are only a tiny part of our daily reality. The daily practice of love begins with oneself, with our couple and continues with our children. Let's not be afraid to observe ourselves and recognize our areas for improvement in order to become better human beings and better parents for our children who model us and will become the adults of tomorrow.
By putting love into every interaction with our children, we ensure a he althy and balanced attachment relationship that projects our children into a better world.
