2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
We all do it, one day or another, because we are tired, because we lose control over a situation, because we are tired of repeating, because we would like to make it heard the first time…
In short, each of us surprises ourselves at one time or another doing it. What if we stopped screaming, what would happen? Want to try?
For starters, good news, your child is probably not deaf! Oh no! Whatever you may be thinking, your child hears you as well as their favorite shows! If it happens that you have to repeat the same things, most of the time you feel obliged to shout to be heard, or rather to be understood.
Your child is not deaf, rather he does what is called selective listening. You know that thing you do when you can't hear your offspring asking you the same questions over and over again? Or when you are completely exhausted hearing them bickering between brother and sister and you decide to ignore the argument, turning up the volume of the television? Do not lie! We all do it sooner or later!
Your child also knows and practices listeningselective. Your child is choosing not to hear from you. In fact, your child knows exactly that he has until your X intervention before he has to act. Your child knows your tone of voice and knows exactly at what level of intensity it is best to take action, otherwise he will be punished. Your child is much smarter than you think, much faster at understanding your strategies than you can imagine!
The more you shout, the less your child can hear you
Your cries, the sound of your voice, its tone become a habit for him and no longer have any impact on his reactions. Take a moment, stop and ask yourself who you are really yelling at. Are your screams really aimed at the right person? Wouldn't it be you who are tired, who have your day in the body, who have argued with an office colleague, who have financial problems or any other situation that makes you on edge and therefore less patient with your children?
Screaming causes your child to experience a great deal of stress and anxiety
When you shout, your child does not hear the instructions, the only thing he hears is your inability to manage a situation, your impression of failing in the task and above all your inner distress. As Dr. Robert Puff mentions in his excellent book “Raising He althy Children and Teenagers” when your child is young, you represent his whole universe, so when you are inangry and you scream, his whole world is shaken.
Now, here are some tips that will guide you and give you a big hand in your efforts:
Always clearly identify your expectations
Your child is just asking for clear instructions. Identifying your expectations precisely ensures better cooperation from your child. Don't just give him an order, because you may have to repeat yourself, and end up screaming. Instead, give him a directive with a short, clear explanation. For example, instead of imagining that when your child has finished playing, he will take the initiative to put his toys away before taking out others, clearly explain to him what you expect of him. Explain to him that you would like him to pick up his toys as he goes so that the family space does not turn into a battlefield, and that if he does, you will be very proud of him.
Clearly explain your decisions to your child in short, simple words
Your child wants to understand why you make a decision or another, he needs precise information. Your child is very intelligent and knows how to understand what is explained to him, on the other hand he does not yet know the danger, which is why a no without explanation bothers him. For example, if you tell your child "Don't cycle down the street", as your child who does not know the danger will not understand why you are giving him this instruction. ByOn the other hand, if you clearly explain to him "don't cycle down the street, there are a lot of cars passing by our street and you could get hit" will allow him to grasp the message perfectly, since by identifying the danger, he will understand your deposit.
Always remain consistent and realistic in your interventions and requests
It is essential to be consistent in your actions with your child, otherwise he will feel completely lost. Lost as you would be on the road, for example, if the driving instructions changed every day! It is also of paramount importance that you and your spouse go in the same direction in terms of communication and interventions surrounding the life of your child.
Encourage your child when he makes good moves
Children are proud and happy when they feel their parents' pride. They are determined to keep going when we notice and encourage their good moves. Do not hesitate to congratulate your child when he puts his toys away by himself, when he puts his boots in the wardrobe when he arrives or when he goes to brush his teeth without you having to mention it! To grow, your children need you, your love, your approval, but above all to feel that you are proud of them, that you understand their needs and that you consider their requests!