The art of exploding on the sly

2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 18:44

Whether it's our job, our children, our spouse or even traffic, many aspects of life test our patience. We all feel, one day or another, about to explode.

We feel the heat rising in our cheeks and the tears in our eyes.

Go away or explode?

There are those days when, when we compare ourselves, we console ourselves. We tell ourselves that our problems are quite minor, that they will dissipate without doing too much damage and then we just have to take a deep breath and remember all the good and beautiful things in our life. Then there are those days when nothing comforts us. These days when our problems, big or small, are gigantic and dramatic in our eyes. No matter how many breaths, we know what's coming: the explosion.

Since my separation, I observe the other parents a lot. I have developed a certain fascination for this duo of parents that I only lived for 6 months with the father of my child. I am fascinated by the ease with which certain couples understand and help each other. I am equally fascinated by these parents who seem to live on two different planets. After my years of observation, there are points that I envy to these duets and other points that I do not miss.not at all, but one aspect, day after day, I miss: I name the “tag”.

The “tag”

Tagging is done in many ways: a look, pointing fingers at an infuriating situation, gnashing of teeth, and ultimately, physical distancing from the situation. Each parenting duo, in their own way, lets their partner know it's time for a break. The “tag” is done and the succession is taken.

In my situation, as a full-time single parent, (yes, I have my child every day, every month and all year round) during these times I can't play tag. No one sees the signs, hears the despair or even the panic that is gripping. No one hears the crackle of the stick of dynamite. So I have two choices: I explode or I implode.

To explode or not to explode

Some explosions are inevitable, by the time you realize it's already too late. You lost your temper, yelled a little too loudly, pulled a little too sharply, or accused your child of something that wasn't theirs. These moments, as difficult as it is to forgive ourselves, are quickly forgotten by our children. They react, cry and scream. We apologize, explain and cajole them. Then there are these explosions that we see coming, those that ruminate gently. We feel them coming and so we can control how we are going to handle them.

I will always remember, when my son came into the world, I was always told: make sure he's safe then when you feel like you're going to explode, walk away. Thissentence, I have been repeating it to myself almost every day for 3 years now. It is this sentence that allows me to explode in secret. Whether it's while my son is cooking bacon in the middle of the pharmacy, refusing to get dressed on a rushed morning, or while the receptionist at the doctor's office criticizes me for forgetting his insurance card illness, I make sure he's safe, that I have an eye on him, and then I walk away. I pull away to scream into a pillow, hit a doggie or let a tear fall. I implode so as not to explode.

These three years of single parenthood have taught me to implode dramas, big and small. To implode means to me to explode in secret. Because whether in secret or not, the emotion must come out. This method has since been applied to all spheres of my personal, professional and family life. Motherhood has taught me to let go of the things I don't control but most importantly, to take charge of the things I control and see coming. Do you have any surefire tricks when you feel a tornado coming up? Do you practice tag?