2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 18:44
We talk about it very little, maybe as little as possible, so as not to think about it. However, 17,321 offenses in a conjugal context were recorded in Quebec in 2008 alone.
Of all situations involving violent behavior, few are met with as much misunderstanding, denial and even sometimes contempt as domestic violence. We often hear that the abused person just has to leave and even sometimes that it is a bit of their fault. Yet domestic violence creeps into the lives of people like you and me, from all walks of life, and brings living hell to those stuck in difficult family situations.
Types of violence
There are 5 forms of domestic violence: verbal, psychological, physical, sexual and economic. In addition to the fact that 8 out of 10 victims are women, almost half of the 17,321 victims who contacted a police service in 2008 were injured during the crime.
Here are some examples of the 5 types of violence:
- Verbal: raise your voice, threaten, insult, belittle, give orders, ban.
- Psychological: humiliating, ridiculing, criticizing the kitchen, reproaching the education of children,denigrate intelligence.
- Physical: hitting, slapping, pushing, squeezing an arm.
- Sexual: forced sex, unusual practices without consent
- Economic: Forcing others to live, stealing, prohibiting certain purchases, blaming purchases made for the person and the children
Physical abuse is the easiest to notice, since the victim has no doubt that they are being abused. His relatives may notice bruises and all understand the urgency of the situation and the fact that it is absolutely necessary to prevent it from degenerating. However, the other forms of violence are just as devastating and their insidious nature sows doubt in the mind of the victim who comes to question his own judgment. This is when the cycle of violence sets in.
It's not a myth, a person stuck in a cycle of violence struggles to get out of it because they know that a moment of peace will come after each crisis. This phase, commonly known as the "honeymoon", comes quickly and the semblance of peace it provides gives a break to this tired person who will need a lot of courage and energy to take the measures that will allow him to get over it. get out for good. However, the fact of staying with the abuser often skews the perception of family and friends who are less and less eager to help when they see that the person remains there, to suffer,like it was normal. The person with less and less the impression of being supported endures more and more events and the situation becomes heavier.
Fortunately, nowadays, the police are en titled to file a complaint with or without the consent of the victim when they arrive at the scene of a scene of domestic violence. This is how a neighbor who calls while hearing screaming can save the life, literally and figuratively, of a victim of domestic violence. According to an SPVM police officer: “It’s the only way we have to prevent the victim from being persuaded to withdraw their complaint. I don't know how many times, before this law, the woman withdrew her complaint and was found dead a few weeks later. We absolutely want to avoid this kind of drama. »
Often, the victim could perceive signs of violence from the beginning of a relationship. A broken object, the rising tone or a very inappropriate comment in front of friends about a gift or an aspect of the couple's sex life are all indications that should raise awareness. The person who considers that these isolated events are very little compared to the qualities of this spouse somehow justifies this behavior and opens the door wide to much worse. From insults to insults, the handsome Brummell whom the victim had defended as best he could turns out to be a daily nightmare and the denigrated person, who feels like he has made a mistake ofjudgment, is very tiny when the time comes to impose itself. This is how the situation escalates, the person isolates himself and the violence worsens and is now part of everyday life.
If the person has totally lost their self-confidence or if they are hoping that what they saw in that person they fell in love with will come back and erase all that “bad time”, a crisis may be needed in order to get her out, or the help of relatives, if they manage to convince her. You have to understand that the victim is scared, tired, often threatened and worried about making the situation worse for the children who, according to them, have already been through enough through their fault or because of the family atmosphere. We must not give up, however. This person needs help.
A neighbor who calls, a family member who visits often or a devoted friend will, sometimes without knowing it, give the person an opportunity to take the plunge. It may take a long time, but if you're intent on helping someone, there are plenty of resources out there to help you take the right steps.
Turn the page
If you are a victim of domestic violence, know that there is life after the breakup. Your children will be reassured to see their mother happy and even if you feel terrible for being who you are right now, know that it will not last. Do not hesitate to ask for help. The structures are in place, whether with the help of the family, thepolice or shelters, you will get the attentive ear you dream of and it will come from people who are committed to helping you without judging your decisions and your misfortune.
The most difficult thing after an episode of domestic violence is to find inner peace. This will take time and positive interactions. A former victim who returns to the activities she loves after months or years of control will eventually feel alive again, by being around people who expect nothing of her except to discuss her passion. Appreciating the moments of calm, celibacy and joyful motherhood will finally give the victim the feeling that all this nightmare is far behind and that it will not be taken back again.
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