2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
Time is running out, but we manage to escape for an evening or two: outing with friends, hockey game, while the other parent rows with the children! How to avoid disputes?
Tonight, mom will go to her painting class. The children are delighted that dad is the one who will give the bath, because he makes them laugh so much while washing them! Dad, on the other hand, knows that he will have his tongue on the ground before putting the children to bed… because there are also the lessons of the oldest to supervise!
Two days later, Dad treats himself to a hockey game with his great friend, with whom he may then go for a drink. Mom will take on all the evening chores alone, which she will follow up with a little story in bed, to the delight of the children. Mom, she dreads tiredness which will follow the other tasks she still has to do after the kids sleep.
How to juggle pleasure and responsibilities?
Should these weekly escapes be abolished to avoid the burden that each spouse thus imposes on the other? No, answers Claudie Arsenault, management coach specializing in work-family balance. “Yes, there is still room for passions and hobbies when you have children, and they are essential.”
Because in fact, passions and activities are essential for some adults to maintain their physical and psychological well-being. “My husband does a lot of sporting activities in winter and summer and I had asked him at one point if he could spend a little more time with me. He replied that if he did not take advantage of the time when he can practice his activity, he would not be in a good mood anyway! », relates Ms. Arsenault.
So it's better not to ask the other to give up the hobby that allows them to get away and recharge their batteries…because that's the best way to prepare the ground to the tensions which sow the chicanery. According to Ms. Arsenault, it is best to let the other person breathe so that they are more available afterwards to spend time with you or with family.
You will probably swallow the pill of your man's absence more easily if you also offer yourself a weekly activity, without the children.
An agreement, it is discussed
Then you have to find common ground and not impose it, of course. The agreement will be easier if each of the spouses devotes a fixed time slot to their passion or hobby and if both agree on the importance of not departing from it except for occasional or unavoidable events.
Find the time
Do you think you don't even have an hour a week for this type of escape? You may already be doing it without even realizing it!Because in fact, Claudie Arsenault points out, a certain number of parents do not realize that their schedule already contains an activity that belongs exclusively to them… simply because they do not take advantage of it enough! “I had a client who was training three times a week and she said she had no time for herself! While working out is time she takes for herself… For others, it’s watching their TV show at night…”
And the money?
Some hobbies and hobbies cost next to nothing while others end up incurring significant expenses, which can be sources of conflict.
Claudie Arsenault reveals the agreement she reached with her spouse. Even if the couple has a joint account, Mr. and Mrs. devote a small portion of their income (a fixed percentage of their salary) to their personal expenses, which includes those spent on individual activities. So no one feels guilty for spoiling themselves!
Parents whose schedule is set to the minute also benefit from setting aside a specific time for family activities so that everyone, including the family, can find their own account.
All in all, says Ms. Arsenault, parents rarely consult time management specialists for disagreements about each other's hobbies. "We much more often blame the other for working too much…"