2023 Author: Anita Thornton | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-22 03:30
Who was that on the phone? Who did you have dinner with? I don't know that girl who commented on your Facebook status… Do you say that kind of thing? Could you be too jealous?
Whether it's an ex-girlfriend who left a lasting impression on your spouse or an amazing new co-worker whose hilarious jokes often come to your table, you may be wondering if you have to be careful what he does when you're not there.
A delicate balance
We won't hide it, there are cases of infidelity and because of the secrecy of the thing, it is difficult to obtain statistics for get an idea of what's hanging in our face. The chances of a spouse cheating on another vary from 11% to 17% according to some studies and from 40% to 76% according to others! The objective of questioning one's own jealousy is therefore not in order to exchange it for naivety or willful blindness. But we must also realize that in the majority of cases, the spouse has done nothing wrong. Your reproachful questions make him feel trapped because there is no way he can prove his innocence except by never leaving the house again, ever again! After all, heremains Internet and Facebook, this ugly tool to find old flames in all discretion!
What if I was right?
For some jealous people, another woman or another man is necessarily more interesting than them, and could "steal" their spouse by snapping their fingers. For others, it is a paranoid inclination that feeds the impression that human nature is such and that the world is filled with temptations.
However, if the man in your life spends his evenings out, take every opportunity to have a drink after work, spend the weekend on their computer and texting the rest of the time, it's your relationship you should be thinking about, not the person on the phone.
A good conversation is in order, and not about the person you think he's seeing, but about you and him. Take the opportunity to tell him that you would like to see him more rather than making accusations. Anyway, that's often what jealous people want deep down, more attention and affection. They want more transparency too, so it's much he althier to let your spouse tell you about the people they hang out with than to force them to hide to talk to their friends and feed your concerns under the pretext that they are "playing you". on the back.
When enough is enough
Sometimes trivial questions about cross-sex acquaintances become obsessive. Jealous people go so far as to spy onusing cameras or software. Sometimes they will smell the spouse returning from work to detect an unknown scent, read emails on the sly, search the smartphone for unerased traces, consult a Facebook account left open, explore text messages and write down calls from numbers unknown. Once that's done, it's hard for the jealous person to hide everything they've learned. In addition, it quickly becomes impossible for the other person to feel good in the presence of this spouse who is constantly trying to trap him. The spouse is then on the defensive, an even more suspicious attitude for the jealous person, and the vicious circle is launched.
When discussion is impossible and jealousy turns to obsession, all that remains is to go for a consultation. According to Alain Krotenberg, psychiatrist, “Jealousy is a form of paranoia. However, the paranoid is, by definition, never wrong; if he is convinced that his wife wants to cheat on him, nothing can shake him. »
Therapy
It can be difficult to change a person who always thinks the worst without seeking outside help. When jealousy attacks are frequent, the imagination takes over and the scenarios follow one another, thus poisoning the life of a couple, it is necessary to take drastic measures and consult before it is too late.
The therapist will help the jealous person to work on their self-esteem so that they stop thinking that everyfemale encounter is attractive enough to overshadow him. According to Violaine-Patricia Galbert, couple therapist, therapy aims to help the jealous person to understand that he deserves to keep the other person and to say to himself: "If he leaves, I know that I will have ways to make another love me…”
Spouse or not, it's the least you can do to think that you're at least as interesting as strangers you meet on the subway stairs and since jealousy is also very demanding, you'll have won twice becoming aware of it.
